Feeds

Tech gadgetry brings about pet-o-geddon

It's true - Steve Jobs kills kittens

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

The nation's pets are at risk of coming a cropper through run-ins with the latest tech toys, according to shock new research.

A survey of 3000 irresponsible morons pet owners conducted by Petplan pet insurers found that careless gadget fans are injuring their animal companions on a daily basis with their expensive plastic button-laden wire-strewn future landfill-fodder. The heartless geeks' true allegiance to their clunky MP3 players and swiftly-obsolete games consoles is laid bare in the results - which we know aren't really funny but, having lost sight of the line long since, are heartily giggling at anyway.

The dastardly iPod was responsible for most injuries in reptiles and cats - we shudder to think - and perhaps unsurprisingly a number of pets have been trodden on by stumbling players of the Nintendo Wii. Domestic beasts have also suffered from run-ins with laptops, plasma tellies and Sony Playstations - rabbits being the most frequent victims of the latter.

Meanwhile, guinea pigs are displaying the survival instincts of lemmings by getting themselves run over more often than cats, but also making heroic inroads when it comes to gadget-injury. The South American rodents take the prize for being the most likely pets to end up in animal hospital after a run-in with some swanky bit of tech kit - and, quite astonishingly, 2.86 per cent of the little blighters have been damaged by a karaoke machine.

Our satire neurons just exploded. There will be no more satire today. Please come back tomorrow.

Other gems in the survey included a singed cat which has now learnt to appreciate the delicate scent of candles from a distance, and a dog whose owner had to cough up £1,700 when it necked a tasty pair of pants. (Your correspondent once had an Airedale terrier which ate a pair of tights, a Double Decker still in its wrapper and a balloon, so we know it happens.)

El Reg salutes Petplan for its ingenious and dastardly shoehorning of an IT angle into its press release, and for its tireless work protecting our fluffy friends from a dismal Dixons-assisted death. ®

Barknote

What's the Paris Hilton angle? The survey found that some dogs sustain injuries tumbling out of the kind of designer pooch-purse in which the heiress has been seen to tote around some of her long-suffering genetically-engineered mini-mutts. This is because, contrary to common perception, small dogs do not actually have functioning legs.

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.