Get the BOFH in there as well.

... is what you've reminded me of.

"They're all trying to kill me."

"Who's trying to kill you?"

"Every one of them!"

Sadly, this story reminds me of a bust-up I had with my girlfriend, except I really did think she had it in for me, and she, for her part, was only pretending to work for Google. Humour failures all round.

/don't ask

I thought I was the only one with a twisted, cynically paranoid sense of humour, so now I know there are at least two of us.

But seriously though, you don't really think they want to kill us?

You are Number Six.

I am not a number.....

Look, I couldn't resist!

The Grove is actually in Watford, but they conveniently leave that bit of information out of their address and all PR...

So good, I've reserved the book at my local library.

Brilliant - A really good article. Keep up the good work El Reg!

I'm sorry, but lets look at the facts...

1) You failed to close the deal on "Emma".

2) You got Google and some Aussie peeved at a joke that went over their heads.

3) You should have thought about a more convincing line before the "they're going to kill us".

4) You forgot the first rule of the "spy game". You get the girl and everyone around you to get drunk while you stay relatively sober. This way, you keep a clear head about you so you can take advantage of the situation.

Oh and in hindsight, you could have diffused the situation by asking the "Californian" if he knew the song "Hotel California". If he said no, then tell him he needs to do a penalty shot and to go google the lyrics up on the 'net. Tell him to look for the verse "You can always check out but you can never leave." Tell him that you're having a swell time as such a swank place, and that you feel like you're staying at the hotel California. Then tell him he needs a second penalty shot for interrupting your conversation with "Emma".

Then you could have gone back to "Emma" had your conversation, and maybe closed the deal.

C'mon man! Where's your game!

After all, they knew who you were by your name tag, so you had to have read theirs too.

This reads almost like it could be a plot-line from BOFH! Perhaps inspiration for one of the upcoming ones eh?

you must be number 2... and just because you are paranoid - it doesn't mean that they aren't trying to kill you. Sorry - no penny farthing, will a round smiley face do?