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Canada sex shop heist shafts proprietress

Vibrator theft ruins buzz

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Spare a kinky kind thought for one Wicked Wanda this Friday - the Canadian sex shop owner has been robbed of vibrators to the tune of $2,000.

Two sticky light-fingered blighters swiped the joysticks from Wicked Wanda's Adult Emporium in Ottawa at around 2.30am on Thursday morning, cnews reports. However, 41-year-old Wanda Cotie can take a little consolation from the apparent ignorance, or lack of sexual imagination, of the two men.

"They took all the Rabbits but they left the Seahorse, probably because they had enough butt plugs. The Seahorse comes with a butt plug," she explained. "They didn't even touch the German stuff. I don't get it."

The rubber-hungry robbers did indeed bypass all the high-end German erogenous engineering and other expensive happy-making gear, preferring the rather low-rent and humdrum Rabbits and vibrating bullets. Cotie was baffled. "How do you get rid of vibrators? Give them to your friends?"

It does occur that the robbers might use the lurid pleasure-plungers to take inspiration from one Nicki Jex and hold up a bank, but then in the current climate, they'd be lucky to etc. etc.

Sex shops are not infrequent victims of theft. In 2006 three masked men nicked $230 from a sex shop in not especially sex-toy-friendly Georgia, USA, after binding the employees with the very handy black fur handcuffs and silver leg irons lying around the place.

A year previously a man in Moscow ran into the place of business of a naughty things merchant brandishing a knife, and fled with an inflatable doll and some lacy knickers. Hopefully he remembered to put the knife safely in a drawer before enjoying his ill-gotten gains, because, y'know.

Cotie doesn't plan to claim on her insurance and is instead being philosophical. "You just have to swallow it," she said, as the local reporter sent to interview her collapsed to the floor and weakly uttered "g-giggidy". ®

Bootnotes

Of course, you're right - this isn't news, and we are sorry. By way of apology, please accept this 12-page analysis of the Icelandic bank crisis. Isn't that better?

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