Feeds

Canada sex shop heist shafts proprietress

Vibrator theft ruins buzz

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

Spare a kinky kind thought for one Wicked Wanda this Friday - the Canadian sex shop owner has been robbed of vibrators to the tune of $2,000.

Two sticky light-fingered blighters swiped the joysticks from Wicked Wanda's Adult Emporium in Ottawa at around 2.30am on Thursday morning, cnews reports. However, 41-year-old Wanda Cotie can take a little consolation from the apparent ignorance, or lack of sexual imagination, of the two men.

"They took all the Rabbits but they left the Seahorse, probably because they had enough butt plugs. The Seahorse comes with a butt plug," she explained. "They didn't even touch the German stuff. I don't get it."

The rubber-hungry robbers did indeed bypass all the high-end German erogenous engineering and other expensive happy-making gear, preferring the rather low-rent and humdrum Rabbits and vibrating bullets. Cotie was baffled. "How do you get rid of vibrators? Give them to your friends?"

It does occur that the robbers might use the lurid pleasure-plungers to take inspiration from one Nicki Jex and hold up a bank, but then in the current climate, they'd be lucky to etc. etc.

Sex shops are not infrequent victims of theft. In 2006 three masked men nicked $230 from a sex shop in not especially sex-toy-friendly Georgia, USA, after binding the employees with the very handy black fur handcuffs and silver leg irons lying around the place.

A year previously a man in Moscow ran into the place of business of a naughty things merchant brandishing a knife, and fled with an inflatable doll and some lacy knickers. Hopefully he remembered to put the knife safely in a drawer before enjoying his ill-gotten gains, because, y'know.

Cotie doesn't plan to claim on her insurance and is instead being philosophical. "You just have to swallow it," she said, as the local reporter sent to interview her collapsed to the floor and weakly uttered "g-giggidy". ®

Bootnotes

Of course, you're right - this isn't news, and we are sorry. By way of apology, please accept this 12-page analysis of the Icelandic bank crisis. Isn't that better?

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
Ex-Apple man Sam Sung - for it is he - sticks namebadge on eBay
Stump up via tat bazaar, do a good thing for ill kids
Check your Clungene, Irish women warned
Have a quick shufti, you may not be pregnant after all
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Rethinking backup and recovery in the modern data center
Combining intelligence, operational analytics, and automation to enable efficient, data-driven IT organizations using the HP ABR approach.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.