Feeds

Serial commentard bitchslaps Reg hack

'Run away you little pansy, the databases are coming'

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Intelligent flash storage arrays

While we're obliged to Kempf for personally storming the beaches of Normandy, thereby ensuring future generations' freedom from the jackboot of Nazi oppression, we can't help feeling he's taking this data mining thing a bit too... Oh shit - did we mention data mining again?

most people use the phrase data mining to 'just about anyone writing a where clause'.

that is not a correct usage of the term.

For the record, I did intrusion detection at Microsoft. We kept track of _ALL_ internet traffic coming in and out of Microsoft global. I single-handedly built datamarts and data mining and olap tiers-- in order to crack down on malware.

Give me a FTP site, and I'll give you a couple of gb of sample data, but it's a couple of years old. I actually really enjoy still looking through this data.

And it would be silly to say that this database didn't help to track down malware.

I spidered a half dozen websites in order to gather information about various processes, and ports, and domains-- how much did it cost MS? Maybe $40k, tops. And it made about 20 security professional about 50 times more powerful.

20 fulltime, 24x7 multiple people deep-- they would sit around and manually type stuff into a database. ANd it took an hour to find anything, before I came in. I came in and built a bunch of SSAS cubes, and things became about 100 times better.

I'm not even sure that it was legal- to track this information- because it is not permitted in certain countries.

Did M$ care? Heck no!!! I've got the smoking gun. LoL.

I came along and built a much much much much better database application. And trying to say carte blanche that 'databases are not helpful in finding terrorists' is just a load of crap.

Maybe if they don't have the correct _CONTENT_ in the database-- that might be a problem.

But uh... blaming the database? Scare-mongering?

It's a database!! Are you really terrified of a database?

You dipshits need to drop your infatada against Relational Database Systems. Fuck you for even trying to make other people scared of _ANY_ database.

And you have the balls to sit there and tell us that this database 'wouldnt' spot terrorists'?

OF COURSE IT WILL SPOT TERRORISTS, MAYBE THE DIPSHITS SHOULD USE MS TOOLS TO BUILD A DATABASE, INSTEAD OF TERADATA OR ORACLE.

Seriously-- what scale of database does a $12bn budget buy?

1,000 database professionals writing mySql for a couple of years, is what the kind of budget will deliver.

So sorry that they weren't able to set decent expectations for a database. So sorry that some kid said 'oh shit, this database isn't solving world peace'.

Maybe if they didn't have fear-mongering to deal with-- then maybe-- just maybe-- they could do their job without getting their schema criticized at every corner.

I just think that the Reg obviously has something against Databases. Databases are the center of most corporations.

Wake up and smell the roses, bitch.

Databases never hurt nobody.

Little pansy reporters-- scared of _ANY_ database--- don't have a lot of credibility when it comes to judging a particular database.

-Aaron

Following this third email, we immediately invoked the Vulture Central nutcase flame protocol - hermetically sealing the building, firing up the newsroom Faraday cage and flagging Kempf emails as spam for immediate diversion into the concrete containment chamber where dangerous outpourings of rage are subjected to a lethal dose of radiation.

In case you're wondering why we refer to Kempf as a "serial" commentard, a bit of light investigation showed he's got some previous form. Now, we're not going to spoil readers' fun by providing links demonstrating quite what a net delinquent Kempf is, but check out the rather entertaining story of the cyberstalking charge, the appearance before the beak and the subsequent fine. Happy hunting. ®

Bootnote

*In his defence, Kempf's point about smoking "pole" is a fair one. Rest assured that as of right now, the abuse of pole is strictly prohibited on Vulture Central premises. Mr Williams - consider yourself warned.

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
MEN: For pity's sake SLEEP with LOTS of WOMEN - and avoid Prostate Cancer
And, um, don't sleep with other men. If that's what worries you
Jim Beam me up, Scotty! WHISKY from SPAAACE returns to Earth
They're insured for $1m, before you thirsty folks make plans
Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from GOD'
'I have benefited from the sacrifice of others'
Now: The REAL APPLE NEWS you need to know
OMG! Gravity's totes amazeballs. Calm down, George Clooney, not your film
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Let's make an app that POSTS your POO to APPLE HQ
Plus: It's OPEN WARFARE in the Linux greybeard world
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
New hybrid storage solutions
Tackling data challenges through emerging hybrid storage solutions that enable optimum database performance whilst managing costs and increasingly large data stores.
Protecting users from Firesheep and other Sidejacking attacks with SSL
Discussing the vulnerabilities inherent in Wi-Fi networks, and how using TLS/SSL for your entire site will assure security.