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Serial commentard bitchslaps Reg hack

'Run away you little pansy, the databases are coming'

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

While we're obliged to Kempf for personally storming the beaches of Normandy, thereby ensuring future generations' freedom from the jackboot of Nazi oppression, we can't help feeling he's taking this data mining thing a bit too... Oh shit - did we mention data mining again?

most people use the phrase data mining to 'just about anyone writing a where clause'.

that is not a correct usage of the term.

For the record, I did intrusion detection at Microsoft. We kept track of _ALL_ internet traffic coming in and out of Microsoft global. I single-handedly built datamarts and data mining and olap tiers-- in order to crack down on malware.

Give me a FTP site, and I'll give you a couple of gb of sample data, but it's a couple of years old. I actually really enjoy still looking through this data.

And it would be silly to say that this database didn't help to track down malware.

I spidered a half dozen websites in order to gather information about various processes, and ports, and domains-- how much did it cost MS? Maybe $40k, tops. And it made about 20 security professional about 50 times more powerful.

20 fulltime, 24x7 multiple people deep-- they would sit around and manually type stuff into a database. ANd it took an hour to find anything, before I came in. I came in and built a bunch of SSAS cubes, and things became about 100 times better.

I'm not even sure that it was legal- to track this information- because it is not permitted in certain countries.

Did M$ care? Heck no!!! I've got the smoking gun. LoL.

I came along and built a much much much much better database application. And trying to say carte blanche that 'databases are not helpful in finding terrorists' is just a load of crap.

Maybe if they don't have the correct _CONTENT_ in the database-- that might be a problem.

But uh... blaming the database? Scare-mongering?

It's a database!! Are you really terrified of a database?

You dipshits need to drop your infatada against Relational Database Systems. Fuck you for even trying to make other people scared of _ANY_ database.

And you have the balls to sit there and tell us that this database 'wouldnt' spot terrorists'?

OF COURSE IT WILL SPOT TERRORISTS, MAYBE THE DIPSHITS SHOULD USE MS TOOLS TO BUILD A DATABASE, INSTEAD OF TERADATA OR ORACLE.

Seriously-- what scale of database does a $12bn budget buy?

1,000 database professionals writing mySql for a couple of years, is what the kind of budget will deliver.

So sorry that they weren't able to set decent expectations for a database. So sorry that some kid said 'oh shit, this database isn't solving world peace'.

Maybe if they didn't have fear-mongering to deal with-- then maybe-- just maybe-- they could do their job without getting their schema criticized at every corner.

I just think that the Reg obviously has something against Databases. Databases are the center of most corporations.

Wake up and smell the roses, bitch.

Databases never hurt nobody.

Little pansy reporters-- scared of _ANY_ database--- don't have a lot of credibility when it comes to judging a particular database.

-Aaron

Following this third email, we immediately invoked the Vulture Central nutcase flame protocol - hermetically sealing the building, firing up the newsroom Faraday cage and flagging Kempf emails as spam for immediate diversion into the concrete containment chamber where dangerous outpourings of rage are subjected to a lethal dose of radiation.

In case you're wondering why we refer to Kempf as a "serial" commentard, a bit of light investigation showed he's got some previous form. Now, we're not going to spoil readers' fun by providing links demonstrating quite what a net delinquent Kempf is, but check out the rather entertaining story of the cyberstalking charge, the appearance before the beak and the subsequent fine. Happy hunting. ®

Bootnote

*In his defence, Kempf's point about smoking "pole" is a fair one. Rest assured that as of right now, the abuse of pole is strictly prohibited on Vulture Central premises. Mr Williams - consider yourself warned.

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