Meat Loaf gets Q gong
Fat old man continues to flog dead Bat
Grunting calorie-fan Meat Loaf is to be lauded for the 47,000th time for his 31-year-old song Bat Out Of Hell, saith the Beeb.
The voluminous ditty, which goes on and on and on for just a whisker under ten minutes and is roughly a fifth as good as Bohemian Rhapsody, has been praised to the heavens for years on end but apparently not quite enough as yet for the indie-fed drones of the newish millennium to appreciate it. To remedy this, the Q Awards - an annual jamboree in which men tell other men how totally amazing they are at doing guitars and that - are anointing the rock opera masterpiece with a special golden award.
The handover of the shiny nugget will take place next week in London. Mr Loaf, whose real name is Marvin Lee Aday, said he was "honoured". Embarrassing karaoke-hogs throughout the land were said to be "dead chuffed yeah".
Ageing brow-mopping rock beast Meat hasn't been very well in recent years, with his famed histrionic bellow taking a knock last year from acute laryngitis and a cyst on one of his vocal cords. He also collapsed on stage in 2003 and subsequently had surgery for an irregular heartbeat. So we wish him well and advise him to perhaps cut down on the whole capering about like Mick Jagger inside a walrus for a while. ®
Stop praising La Bee, 'tards
Oy! You bloody Sarah fanbois better back off! Unashamed sycophantic arse-licking of our beloved Moderatrix is my job!
I deeply resent protestations of love and lust by other commentards. I've got her photo set as my wallpaper and she's *my* masturbatory fantasy. Mine, y'hear. So leave it out, the rest of you slags.
On a (very slightly) more serious note, Mister Loaf may well be the ludicrous fat bastard portrayed by Ms Bee but the much-vaunted Bohemian Rhapsody must be the most over-rated six minutes of overblown mindless drivel in the history of music. Sorry, Sarah; that's not an opinion that's a fact.
Bee-san, you're too cool for school.
Signed: Unashamed fanboy.
As I sit here sinking in a mire of debt and unwashed dishes, I suddenly find the will to live after reading this piece and the comments.
When all the world is going tits up around us, bankers are down to their last billion, is the most important thing to argue over the merits, or otherwise, of a cheap-meal themed, salad-dodging pork star and his overblown opus to a lone chiroptera leaving Hades?
It most certainly is.
Thank you Sarah and thanks to everyone here. My day, nay, week, is considerably enhanced.