Tw*tdangler defends Benito Mussolini stunt
Didn't want to p*ss on fans...
David Blaine has defended himself following widespread criticism of his Benito Mussolini twatdangle above New York's Wollmann ice rink - a daredevil 60-hour upside-down endurance marathon which actually saw the Brooklyn media strumpet take breaks to drink water and empty his bladder.
According to the BBC, Blaine told US TV show Live With Regis and Kelly: "There's no way to relieve yourself and not put everybody beneath you at risk."
Well, in not wanting to piss on fans, the "illusionist" ended up doing just that, with one disgruntled audience member complaining: "I am totally unimpressed. If his name hadn't been David Blaine I would never have come."
Blaine explained that his rehydration breaks were necessary because he'd been fasting, and insisted that if he'd eaten during the stunt he would have required longer "real breaks" in the khazi.
He admitted he'd found the challenge tough from the off, recounting: "At the end of the first day I thought I wasn't going to make it. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I didn't want to disappoint everybody, so I kept pushing and going as hard as I could."
He also claimed that ABC - which televised the spectacle - tried to dissuade him from making his final 44-ft "death leap" because of high winds. However, being the trooper he is, Blaine said he "wasn't going to let everybody down, so I just jumped".
Well, the good news is that Blaine has weathered the controversy and is working on his next stunt. He declared: "I know that I'm going to work my hardest and make it the most incredible thing that I can."
One of our commenters has already suggested he may be planning a truly epic feat: To survive for a month without any publicity whatsoever - something which would surely prove fatal... ®
I've got his solution
Dobb-Hoff and Foley. Of course, I'd pay to see them inserted (I've seen the procedure. The recipient is NEVER happy).
I don't know if you saw the footage on youtube or elsewhere but when he 'amazingly disappeared into the sky' and was actually just dangling in the darkness like a cheap angel Gabriel in a school nativity whilst the crowd were booing and jeering him..well, it was funny how even the live broadcast managed to keep playing crowd sounds from earlier (before they were shouting 'YOU SUCK!' and booing). I'm not saying I expected him to really disappear but he's the friggin' illusionist right? surely he can do better than to 'disappear' by being dragged into a dark area on the end of some cables?
Paul Daniels would have done a better job!
He really deserves the twatdangle name and I think it should go into the next revision of the Oxford dictionary with his special appearance in the definition.
Only Paris will do...
... of Time Trumpet, the comedy show which looked at now from the future. According to the show in 2009 Blaine wired all his nerve endings up to the internet to allow himself to be controlled for two weeks.
The public killed him in less than 3 seconds.