Feeds

Mills and Boon thrusts into pr0n market

Paperback peddler makes lewd shrewd decision

The Power of One Brief: Top reasons to choose HP BladeSystem

Legendary bored-housewife-pleasing publisher Mills and Boon is planning to up the romantic ante with its first porn books.

The usual mildly risqué euphemisms of the famed throwaway lady-paperbacks, known for their ripping of bodices and tousling of hair and rumpling of sheets and such, will helplessly submit to a crashing wave of proper actual no-holes-barred sex filth with the arrival of the Spice range of titles. The Daily Mail coyly explains that the books will feature 'sex for enjoyment', presumably as opposed to sex for obligation, sex for routine or sex as grudging quid pro quo for fixing the dishwasher.

M&B marketing madam Claire Somerville points out that in the sexified new stories, "it doesn't have to be linked to an emotional connection between heroes and heroines". Yes, folks, it's what real honest-to-moistness porn is all about - the pure red hot thrill of mechanical dead-eyed coitus with someone you wouldn't actually piss on if they were on fire. At least, not unless it was their thing.

One of the first Spice books, several of which are already on sale in the US, bears the splendidly oblique title Spies, Lies and Naked Thighs*. The heroine, Breezy Malone (the name presumably culled from the character's childhood pet llama and the street she first lived on), is an FBI agent sent to seduce a terrorist. Unfortunately the plan backfires when the champagne she plans to pour down her outstretched leg into the miscreant's mouth, like Salma Hayek in From Dusk Til Dawn, is confiscated by airport security**. Oh, the irony. But then she'll have to be strip-searched, of course, so it's all good.

Upstanding gents Gerald Mills and Charles Boon founded the company in the chaste first decade of the 20th century, publishing tomes on watersports and crafts. The first sex scenes in Mills and Boons pulsated into print in the 1960s, after the lifting of the ban on D H Lawrence's Lady Chatterley's Lover opened wide the don't be so disgusting door for all manner of textual intercourse.

The Blaze imprint of M&B has already been splurging tales of inter-racial girl-on-girl action and other racy material since 2001, so Spice will have to really break out the big guns to impress porn fans. The really big guns. The ones that go off everywhere. Etc.

Spies, Lies... and its naughty sisters will be oozing over to the UK in 2009. Meanwhile you can find it on Amazon.com, if you're one of those appalling deviants who looks for pornography online. ®

Bonknotes

* Not to be confused with the 1988 Ed Begley Jr outing of the same name.

** Not really.

The smart choice: opportunity from uncertainty

More from The Register

next story
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Securing Web Applications Made Simple and Scalable
Learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.