Feeds

Mills and Boon thrusts into pr0n market

Paperback peddler makes lewd shrewd decision

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

Legendary bored-housewife-pleasing publisher Mills and Boon is planning to up the romantic ante with its first porn books.

The usual mildly risqué euphemisms of the famed throwaway lady-paperbacks, known for their ripping of bodices and tousling of hair and rumpling of sheets and such, will helplessly submit to a crashing wave of proper actual no-holes-barred sex filth with the arrival of the Spice range of titles. The Daily Mail coyly explains that the books will feature 'sex for enjoyment', presumably as opposed to sex for obligation, sex for routine or sex as grudging quid pro quo for fixing the dishwasher.

M&B marketing madam Claire Somerville points out that in the sexified new stories, "it doesn't have to be linked to an emotional connection between heroes and heroines". Yes, folks, it's what real honest-to-moistness porn is all about - the pure red hot thrill of mechanical dead-eyed coitus with someone you wouldn't actually piss on if they were on fire. At least, not unless it was their thing.

One of the first Spice books, several of which are already on sale in the US, bears the splendidly oblique title Spies, Lies and Naked Thighs*. The heroine, Breezy Malone (the name presumably culled from the character's childhood pet llama and the street she first lived on), is an FBI agent sent to seduce a terrorist. Unfortunately the plan backfires when the champagne she plans to pour down her outstretched leg into the miscreant's mouth, like Salma Hayek in From Dusk Til Dawn, is confiscated by airport security**. Oh, the irony. But then she'll have to be strip-searched, of course, so it's all good.

Upstanding gents Gerald Mills and Charles Boon founded the company in the chaste first decade of the 20th century, publishing tomes on watersports and crafts. The first sex scenes in Mills and Boons pulsated into print in the 1960s, after the lifting of the ban on D H Lawrence's Lady Chatterley's Lover opened wide the don't be so disgusting door for all manner of textual intercourse.

The Blaze imprint of M&B has already been splurging tales of inter-racial girl-on-girl action and other racy material since 2001, so Spice will have to really break out the big guns to impress porn fans. The really big guns. The ones that go off everywhere. Etc.

Spies, Lies... and its naughty sisters will be oozing over to the UK in 2009. Meanwhile you can find it on Amazon.com, if you're one of those appalling deviants who looks for pornography online. ®

Bonknotes

* Not to be confused with the 1988 Ed Begley Jr outing of the same name.

** Not really.

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.