Kill Me Now....

Proof, were it needed, that Hollywood is Out Of Ideas.

Pass me the scissors, I'm cutting up my Cineworld Unlimited card...

...no. A million no's. He must be a sandwich short of a picnic

...it's not MySpace: The Movie, or Bebo: The Movie.

To me, Facebook always seems the social network of choice for the educated and less-chavvy members of Britian's population.

If we had MySpace: The Movie, it'd be full of adverts, dreadfully slow, and require a major design revamp. Imagine the interviews with real users (chavs)!

And Bebo: The Movie would be full of broken links and depressed members.

Anyone up for a Twitter movie?

Surely you mean: Kill Me Now ... bitch.

On the one hand, it's got to be better than the Doom/Mortal Kombat style movies, but on the other I find it hard to see how much worse it could be.

@Paul... quick, make that a Facebook shout/wall scribble thing or whatever it is... then you can say that MyFaceSpaceBook saved your life...

“my grandmother has more internet savvy than I do”

I have heard this time and time again; a writer decides to write about a computer-related technical subject, and then takes pains to point out that he or she knows nothing about the technology. It’s an affectation, designed to distance the writer from the subject; in the writer’s mind, computer technology and the internet are trivial wastes of space for spotty autistic teenage masturbators and overweight middle-aged women of the kind who infest Icanhascheezburger with their over-perfumed stench. Useless over-made-up powder-puff blobs of grease who draw love hearts over the letter i.

John Peel was a great DJ because he loved the music; Sam Raimi is a great director because he loves great trash, and is not embarrassed by this; Tenacious D are more than just funny swearing because they are genuinely awed by the Power of Rock. This Sorkin chap does not love his audience, or his subject. Clearly this Facebook project will not be touched by greatness, it will be a short soap opera with only a tenuous connection to the website or indeed the internet in general. The thought of it makes me want to think of something else.

Shouldn't "how" actually read "why" in this case.

Facebook - The Movie?

No.

Just NO!

Warning: Low Flying Fire & Brimstone.

I think I'll go kill myself,

but first, I think I have a wee masturbate

'Sorkin admits the page was actually created by his researcher "because my grandmother has more Internet savvy than I do and she's been dead for 33 years", and further confesses: "I honestly don't know how this works."'

Is it Sony's internal mission statement to royally fk everything they touch or do they just do it by accident?

Paris, because she seems to share Sony's desire to fk everything she touches

Mr. Sorkin, I have a question; "You're crazy."

How can one think it is a good idea to make a movie about something you know nothing? There are words for that sort of behaviour.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7585632.stm

the best bit of the BBC story: "Sorkin, who created US TV drama The West Wing and wrote the Tom Hanks movie Charlie Wilson's War, has even opened a Facebook account to aid his research."

HE EVEN OPENED AN ACCOUNT!!

With research like this, there'll be 5.1 DTS PHP streaming out of out cinema boxes the world over!

...Bitch

God this is just trainwreck all around. Aaron you are a good writer and all but drop this like the hot (and rotten) potato it is.

...could something that futile be given any credibility whatsoever!

Paris blatantly because it was originally her idea!

if they're seriously thinking of making this!!!

we'll all loose interest after 10 minutes?

... Shit makes money out of crap.

Fuck right off.

That is all.

i'll shoot you, you shoot me. better yet, lets just shoot the moron at Sony who had this brightspark idea

Paris, because even she is'nt this dumb

My god, you should at least put up a NSFW waring or something!

literally...

TV / Hollywood producers have run out of ideas so are desperately thrashing around to find themes that they can make programmes / movies about. As a result, we see an increasing diet of re-makes, re-runs, re-writes, prequels / sequels and increasingly bizarre plot lines.

To quote Paul Weller, "That's entertainment...."

Sony Exec 1: Say, Bob - I just heard this great pitch; how about a film about illegal file sharing?

Sony Exec 2: Hmm - that /might/ work. D'ya think anyone would pay to watch it?

Maybe they'll remember to include all of the security vulnerabilities in the platform (Paris Hilton pics included) and the story will revolve around how Facebook managed to f**k up the lives of a lot of it's users.

Tagline ideas:

Facebook - Reaquainting you with people you thought you'd eventually managed to lose contact with.

Facebook - Helping stalking since 200x (can't remember the damn year)

of the members of the FB group 'We have empty howling souls' spawned from a comments thread on El Reg itself (Hi John, hi Steve, hi everyone else *waves*) even I'm at a complete loss how anyone can possibly concieve that this was a good idea.

I'm off to post on Aaron Sorkin's page right now to tell him he really ought to consider bailing out on this one before he loses all credibility...

...and yes, I apologise for the confession I'm on facebook at all...

I'm surprised, El Reg...

I was expecting "They're writing a movie about me... bitch"

queues of epic proportion, thousands of wannabes and egotists long at every cinema in the land. All of them clutching feverishly at the tailgate of that bandwagon of celebrity. Each wishing that their Facebook page is immortalised on the silver screen in the hope of adding such vital and life sustaining information to their profile.

How did we ever do without Facebook? What was the point of life before Facebook? Will the movie answer these deep, essential and thought provoking questions and perhaps even supply the answer to the ultimate question... Does Emma prefer Girls Aloud or the Sugarbabes?

I for one will avoid the rush for tickets and the enormous queues that will so evidently form for this blockbuster.

I couldn't imagine anything more frackin' boring. Are these people really that hard up for material?

Things must be really bad in hollywood land if they are thinking about this crap...

see the true story of how a couple of kids stole their mates code and blagged it this far...

a remake of pirates of the silicon valley....

Maybe we'll get "SCO: the series" - will jump the shark during the pilot but go on for another 5 years, constantly changing scriptwriters and the rights to it being sold on to other studios after each season.

Or "Blair Witch III: The Cult of Wikipedia"? Actually, come to think of it that would have made a good X-Files episode...

Personally I'm waiting for "ICanHasCheezburger - the Rise and Fall of Ceiling Cat" starring Danny John-Jules, but that's just me. And it's not even Friday yet.

Mine's the coat lurking at the bottom of the TV script barrel.

Twitter: The Movie?

Well it'd be fine on your portable telly but try and blow it up for a cinema screen and it'll start juddering... or stop...

Facebook: The Movie wouldn't be right unless zombies and vampires were walking around the movie theatre during the film, oh and the person next to you constantly poking you...

"by way of research he's waded straight in with a group page down at the social networking website."

My first thought? Don't let a social networking site spoil your movie.

I really really hope this catches on. I can't wait for 'MyFirstSexTeacher - the movie'.

FYI - http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Whoops!.aspx

Yeah I know. Mine's the one with the overpriced popcorn and fizzy drinks in the pocket.

...to see the truly vomit inducing trailer that will precede the movie's release. Complete with voice over work from that guy who always does these things and sounds like he smokes five packs of B&H silver a day, with the rapper left on.

With a D20 and small grid made in Excel I will do what Hollywood cannot:

1. Flying Zombies attack a Giant Space Station with A tonsillitis Epidemic.

2. Justified Space Mutants Quell a loving Door Mouse without a hope.

3. A Heroic knight Survives with Semi intelligent Algi in a world gone madde.

I would rather watch/direct all of the above than this.

Lady, (sir? We never know after the Ashlee era)

you are full of win.

the best answer for this would be:

BOFH - The Movie (18)

Any suggestions for lead and for the PFY...

Paris...

because her movies also generally go straight-to-dvd.

thats the single best hollywood idea i've heard in years. Reg, where are the story boards and ... wait a minute, our good friend BOFH has already done it, twice, once it ended with the seruptitious burning down of the office building after some mysterious goings on in the pub with the PR rep from Universal, the other time, well, the less said about A list actors after a couple of the Old Crowns finest the better. Their lawyers know to stay away.

show hollywood's lack of hummus.

The new orange one showing in cinemas? Rob Lowe pitching a film that's not only a remake.. but a remake of a film from 30 years ago. The actors in it aren't even dead yet!

Is it unwitting satire? A sad testimony?

Oh and how is someone unfamiliar with something meant to write up a story about it?

Some guy does stuff with ajax, gets paid too much money for it, adds bitch on to sentences and realises he can't make money back from it. The end.

Dull!

Make Hackers 3

It would be superb. Clearly it would have to be based around a drop the dead donkey style newsroom, with the BOFH controlling the company network. One of the hacks (sorry guys and gals, I enjoy your reporting, no really, I do) can stumble upon a Rise of the Machines plot thats actually real, and then have to thwart good old Captain Cyborg Kevin Warwick, who has been secretly spreading subcuteaceous chips that make doors open when people walk up to them... ... but also leave the chipped people under mechanical control and therefore unable to resist voting for Merkin controlled puppets.....

Also, every time our brave reporter (see, I told you) heads to a location to chase down the villain, his/her sat nav can take her on a wild goose chase, invariably ending with a destroyed car and a stranded hero.

Obviously it will turn out that the Government has slid in some unannounced law which means its completely legal for Captain Cyborg to take control of the country, and I think we'd need someone playing Brown, with a little box of buttons labelled 'Sleep, Eat, Work, Procreate, Vote Labour' that he can control all of the converts with.

Flick back to the newsroom, where the brave reporting of El Reg has inspired hundreds of people to comment on the story, unwittingly revealing details which lead the hero to find captain cyborg, and haplessly getting chipped.

Cue amanfrommars: Amanfrommars Walks Into The Lair, Confronting The Evil Supervillain With Bravery And Courage. What Captain Cyborg Doesnt Know Is That Amanfrommars Is Immune To His Nano Technology, As His Eternal Capitalisations Cannot Be Parsed By The Subcuteaceous Nano-Processors. This Causes Some Pain to the El Reg Reporter Who Has Been Imprisoned Nearby, As The Chip Implanted In Him Recieves The Bluetoothed Dying Packets From Amanfrommars' Failed Implantation.

So, Captain Cyborg and the Rise of the Machines have been thwarted, Brown has been thwarted, we've taken the piss out of bluetooth, we've brought into sharp contrast how the actions of the govt. have a huge disparity with the views of the average man (or woman - thank you The Life of Brian for my never ending belief in sex equality) as represented by the comments on El Reg. In addition to all of that, there's space for a substory about the BOFH and the PFY,

This film would rock. And I'm sure you could have a few black helicopters chasing the hero, and a cameo of Paris posting a comment, and using her own picture, as its, well, her!

Mine's the one with the arms attached to each other at the back....

[BOFH - the movie]

"Any suggestions for lead and for the PFY..."

Al Pacino as the BOFH, with Richard Ayoade (Moss from 'The IT Crowd') as the PFY.

"Say hello to my little friend ..." <KZEEEERT!> :-)

Even as a Yankee, I'd pick: Simon Pegg (surely no introduction needed) and possibly Mackenzie Crook (The Office).

As an aside: Imagine, for the moment: Scotty with phaser set to <KZEEEEEEERT!>

For "BOFH: the Movie", cast Samuel L. Jackson as BOFH, Jack Black as the PFY, Danny DeVito as the PHB, and Helen Mirren as PFY's mum.

Mine's got the gaffers tape in the pocket.

Straight to DVD.

I doubt this grace the silver screen for long enough for anyone to stumble upon it.

I am looking forward to the broadway production of "Facebook the musical"

All you people reacting in horror/disbelief, this'll be great if (bear with me here)...

If it's a MUSICAL! (Put down that noose and listen!)

Look back over the past Hollywood train wrecks that became cult classics Either they were were musicals, and/or touched by direction so misguided, or delved into subject matter so insipid/ banal, it became divine!

Here we already have two out of the three prerequisites for cult trash magic, so making it a musical will be the trifecta that will make this movie the most loved/hated cult treasure of all time!

Now pardon me while I execute Plan Nine and dance the time warp. while Mars forges my destiny!

(Props to those that name the three treasures referenced.)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...aaaa...argh!

Don't bother killing me I am already DEAD!

Before his various addictions got the better of him and he got fired from West Wing, Sorkin WAS a good writer. Studio 60 started out well, but soon turned into a diatribe against everyone he felt had wronged him, and was embarrassing to watch.

...and my soul with Mirth.

FaceFuck - the Movie

Paris coz... well, you get the link ;)

... Just for kicks, I really want to see this movie. Do you remember Pirates of Silicon Valley? Hackers? Great IT films. DO we love MS and Hackers? No. We Hate facebook and its issues. However, given the right circumstance, This could be a great cult classic. As long as the focus on the how it happened, Not the What it has become. (Just like PoSV and Hackers)

I'm with you guys that it sounds like a bad idea, But it does have potential with the right angle.

Stabby Stabby because I'm gonna catch a knife or 2 for this one.

...do you think Sorkin will try to Hide the Story, or just claim "I didn't do this"?

Yeah, i also thought of that a couple of years ago. Now, that would be some serious kick ass. Unfortunately, it's rating would be for 20+, and the kill count would surpass Platoon, or AVP2.

Why don't they host a poll, or something, asking for the community for ideas? after all, WE pay for the movies....

Otherwise, please shoot me....

Hell, I'll even settle for a 5 cases of beer, I'll sell them a script.

He joined the TV Without Pity forums back in the day and the forum-goers didn't kiss his ass; he's remained bitter ever since and has devoted time in at least two episodes of his NBC series to how crazy he thinks they are.

I can only imagine how he'll treat a movie about Facebook. I expect that it will feature egotistical, fat, ugly women with no lives who do nothing but smoke Parliaments, given how he's portrayed people online in his past works.