Feeds

Breakup with Sadville lion ends in kidnap plot, duct-taped dog

Happiness is a warm laser sighted taser

Boost IT visibility and business value

In Sadville, they were close. But in our world, the relationship quickly took a turn for the worse. He dumped her. She walked into his office with a gun and tried to kidnap him. And when that failed, she broke into his apartment with handcuffs, some duct tape, a taser, a BB gun, and a dog named Gogi, shining some sort of "laser beam" onto his chest before he fled the scene and called the cops.

According to a Philadelphia-area TV station, local police in nearby Delaware have apprehended 33-year-old North Carolinian Kimberly Jernigan after she turned on her ex-virtual lover, a 52-year-old man who masqueraded as a lion while dodging flying penises inside Sadville.

They met on Sadville's virtual streets, but after the pair laid eyes on each other in our world, the virtual lion/52-year-old man ended the relationship, "sending Jernigan into a downward spiral."

Earlier this month, the North Carolinian allegedly drove to her ex-virtual lover's Pennsylvania workplace and attempted to kidnap him at gunpoint. But he got away. Then, two weeks later, she returned to Pennsylvania, posing as a postal worker in an effort to uncover the manimal's home address.

Four days later, investigators say, she found his apartment and broke in - alongside her dog. When her ex-virtual lover got home last Thursday, he "saw someone pointing an object at his chest that was projecting a laser beam."

We're guessing Jernigan sprung for something along the lines of the Air TASER® Weapon Laser Sight Weapon System:

Air Taser

Air TASER® Weapon Laser Sight Weapon System (with some smoke and a faux cop)

When the police arrived, they found not only a taser, but a pair of handcuffs, a roll of duct tape, and a BB gun. And her dog was in the bathroom, duct tape around his jaw. Apparently, Gogi made a bit too much noise during the break-in.

About an hour later, Jernigan's vehicle was spotted at a highway rest stop, and she was taken into custody after a brief struggle. In our world, she faces charges of attempted kidnapping, burglary and aggravated menacing. In Sadville, she doesn't. ®

The Essential Guide to IT Transformation

More from The Register

next story
BBC goes offline in MASSIVE COCKUP: Stephen Fry partly muzzled
Auntie tight-lipped as major outage rolls on
iPad? More like iFAD: We reveal why Apple fell into IBM's arms
But never fear fanbois, you're still lapping up iPhones, Macs
Sonos AXES support for Apple's iOS4 and 5
Want to use your iThing? You can't - it's too old
Stick a 4K in them: Super high-res TVs are DONE
4,000 pixels is niche now... Don't say we didn't warn you
Philip K Dick 'Nazi alternate reality' story to be made into TV series
Amazon Studios, Ridley Scott firm to produce The Man in the High Castle
There's NOTHING on TV in Europe – American video DOMINATES
Even France's mega subsidies don't stop US content onslaught
You! Pirate! Stop pirating, or we shall admonish you politely. Repeatedly, if necessary
And we shall go about telling people you smell. No, not really
Too many IT conferences to cover? MICROSOFT to the RESCUE!
Yet more word of cuts emerges from Redmond
Joe Average isn't worth $10 a year to Mark Zuckerberg
The Social Network deflates the PC resurgence with mobile-only usage prediction
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.