Feeds

'Why not try nude female midgets?' says Microsoft Adcenter

Keywords no one bids on for a reason

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Microsoft Adcenter helpfully sent me a link to lists of low-cost keywords I could advertise on, categorised by sector, to “unlock new customers”. I had a quick look through the ’sport and rec’ list. Here is a small sample:

Adcenter suggests "dogging swindon"

Adcenter suggests "carriage dangerous goods road 1996 schedule 12"

Adcenter suggests "nude female midgets"

Adcenter suggests "download pr0n usa"

Adcenter suggests "free pr0n videos no catches"

Adcenter suggests "duck pr0n"

Adcenter suggests "hare krishna temple watford"

Adcenter suggests "british closed judo championships 2007"

Adcenter suggests "vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv"

Adcenter suggests "free sex animal sites"

There are lots more where they came from. Microsoft says:

These keywords are actual terms recently used by your customers on Live and MSN Search Engines and are available at a low cost while very few other advertisers are bidding on them.

No kidding.

Did they do any QA on this list (and some pretty unpleasant ones I didn't include)? Exactly how many people are searching on “vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv”? What has dogging (not work safe) or Hare Krishna got to do with rugby? Is it any wonder nobody is bidding on “duck porn”? Are there really that many people interested in pictures of nude female bodybuilders (apparently)?

Thanks Microsoft, but I’m really not sure they are the sort of new customers I want to unlock.

This article was originally published on Successful Software.

Andy Brice is a UK-based software developer with over twenty years of professional experience. In 2005 he founded Oryx Digital to sell shrink-wrap software and provide consulting to other software companies. He writes a blog to sound off on topics related to software and to build the consulting side of his business.

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
Protecting users from Firesheep and other Sidejacking attacks with SSL
Discussing the vulnerabilities inherent in Wi-Fi networks, and how using TLS/SSL for your entire site will assure security.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.