Feeds

Yes! It's Joyce McKinney, admits Joyce McKinney

Booger cloner 'fesses up to being Mormon-cuffer

Intelligent flash storage arrays

The mystery that has gripped the world for days on end is finally resolved today as Bernann McKinney, keeper of cloned canids, admitted to being Joyce McKinney, molester of Mormon missionaries.

The Daily Mail mumbles surprisingly quietly that it was right all along and that the 57-year-old, who hotly denied that she was who she very clearly was, turned out to indeed be who she said she wasn't. Joyce McKinney had been using her middle name Bernann to trumpet her joy in the press when South Korean scientists provided her with five puppies cloned from her dead pit bull Booger, and insisted that despite having the same name and being physically identical, she was not the woman who kidnapped and sexually assaulted a Mormon missionary in 1977.

McKinney has now outed herself, explaining that she hoped her good deed would show people that she was a reformed character - not that she ever did anything bad before, of course. "I thought people would be honest enough to see me as a person who was trying to do something good and not as a celebrity," she sniffled. "I think I gave people too much credit."

Given the uncanny resemblance of the two McKinneys, observed by anyone with eyes last week, perhaps she meant to say "I didn't give people enough credit". In turn, we at the Reg would like to give props to McKinney for her altruistic work, um, paying boffins to make her some dogs.

For a recap on how ex-beauty queen McKinney stalked a Mormon missionary all the way to Surrey, kidnapped him at gunpoint then chained him to a bed before forcing him to have sex with her, then escaped back to the US disguised as a member of mime troupe, just click here

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Google's whois results say it's a lousy smut searcher
Run whois google.com or whois microsoft.com. We dare you, you PIG◙◙◙◙ER
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
prev story

Whitepapers

Seattle children’s accelerates Citrix login times by 500% with cross-tier insight
Seattle Children’s is a leading research hospital with a large and growing Citrix XenDesktop deployment. See how they used ExtraHop to accelerate launch times.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
How to determine if cloud backup is right for your servers
Two key factors, technical feasibility and TCO economics, that backup and IT operations managers should consider when assessing cloud backup.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Business security measures using SSL
Examines the major types of threats to information security that businesses face today and the techniques for mitigating those threats.