Feeds

Killer Satnavs amok in 'Utah Polyhedron' phenomenon

Windscreen-licking Belgians barely escape GPS of Doom

Intelligent flash storage arrays

Here at Vulture Central we are connoisseurs of the hilarious near-death satnav blunder, which is to news as deep-fried jetwash poultry giblo-nuggets are to nutrition - disgusting, unsatisfying, the bane of society and yet snorked up in moments even by those who should know better. Today the wires bring us what may very well be the sidesplitting GPS human misery pratfall to rule them all.

Essentially the story is this. Deep in the wilds of Utah, within the Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument, a terrible Bermuda-Triangle-esque Satnav Death Zone has appeared. Quite literally dozens of visitors to the area have been lured to their doom in the area, according to local officials.

"A group of Belgium [sic] tourists had to lick condensation off their minivan's windshield for water after being stranded on Four Mile Bench in May 2007," acccording to the AP.

"It wasn't the first time Staircase visitors have wandered into near oblivion," said Larry Crutchfield of the Utah Bureau of Land Management, adding that this was "often with the false encouragement of a GPS device".

Crutchfield's remarks offer a worrying hint that demonic navigation consoles - well known to operate by receiving mysterious signals from outer space - may no longer merely be misleading motorists, but actively inciting them to suicide or even using a form of machine telepathy brainwave dominance to take over their minds.

Matters came to a head at the weekend, reportedly, when a "convoy" of 26 Californians in multiple vehicles - apparently being herded like human cattle by a single satnav space-ray hypnosis podule - were driven onto the the very lip of a terrifying precipice.

"They just kept driving and driving," said Chief Deputy Tracy Glover, of the local sheriff's department, whose flabber was left gasted to its limit and beyond as the horrific yet opportunely newsworthy episode unfolded.

Fortunately, the murderous space brainwave box lost its mesmeric grasp on the Californians' intellects at the last moment, possibly due to a disturbance or mooning incident of some sort among children in the back seats.

"For now, I don't want anybody to know about it," said Daniel Cohen, back home safely in Los Angeles, as he described his ordeal to global news service AP. He added that the harrowing journey had been "a nightmare - the vacation from Hell" and revealed that the group had recovered consciousness the next day after a night spent in their cars balanced Italian Job style on the very lip of disaster.

Cohen said the group had attracted the attention of a passing rescue plane by jumping up and down, and by calling the emergency services on mobile phones.

It seems that the mysterious satnav effects may not always be restricted to the Utah Space Brain-control Polyhedron of Doom itself. The AP report adds that:

In the same country in early March 2003, a South African man living in London and his [Massachusetts] girlfriend were stranded for six days by a powerful snowstorm.

Presumably "the same country" means the USA; or possibly Britain, or even conceivably South Africa.

We very much fear that the underlying causes behind the Utah Polyhedron may intensify as August goes on. ®

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
MEN: For pity's sake SLEEP with LOTS of WOMEN - and avoid Prostate Cancer
And, um, don't sleep with other men. If that's what worries you
Jim Beam me up, Scotty! WHISKY from SPAAACE returns to Earth
They're insured for $1m, before you thirsty folks make plans
Now: The REAL APPLE NEWS you need to know
OMG! Gravity's totes amazeballs. Calm down, George Clooney, not your film
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Let's make an app that POSTS your POO to APPLE HQ
Plus: It's OPEN WARFARE in the Linux greybeard world
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile
Data demand and the rise of virtualization is challenging IT teams to deliver storage performance, scalability and capacity that can keep up, while maximizing efficiency.
Mitigating web security risk with SSL certificates
Web-based systems are essential tools for running business processes and delivering services to customers.