Feeds

Cuil confesses 'serious file corruption'

The Worldwide Quantum Porn Pun Off

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

Cuil - still pronounced "Cool" - has apologized for its quantum porn, blaming the incident on "a serious corruption of [its] files."

After serving up random mid-masturbation graphics (NSFW) in response to searches for a Grenoble-based quantum computing researcher, the strawberry-and-muffin-fueled search engine now sees the error of its ways. In a personal email to said researcher, Cuil general counsel Pete Szymanski insists the company's groundbreaking Schrödinger's schlong experiment has been retired.

"We very much regret this incident and offer you our sincerest apologies," Szymanski tells loyal Reg reader Jonathan Grattage. "It was indeed a serious corruption in our files that resulted in the inappropriate image being displayed. We understand this may have caused you embarrassment and inconvenience. We have taken down the inappropriate materials and have identified and fixed the issue that caused the problem."

Indeed, searching on Jonathan Grattage no longer reveals arbitrary gay porn. And similarly lewd and irrelevant images have disappeared from searches such as "work permit" and "download movies."

For some, this is sad news. But Cuil has left its mark. At the very least, the would-be Google killer has brought joy to the lives of physicists everywhere. As this thread reveals, the quantum porn pun is now all the rage. Here is the, um, best of the lot:

Quantum Porn is sweet, it's every position at once... until observed.

It's very easy to get entangled in Quantum Porn.

Stop it, everyone! You're giving me a hadron!

Me too. Want to collide them?

Sure, but let's be sure we're in our excited states beforehand.

I like to get lepton...

Just make sure you don't make a meson my carpet.

Cuil isn't much of a search engine. But it's great entertainment. ®

Update

This "classic" quantum sex joke just in:

Q: Why didn't Heisenberg have a good sex life?

A: Because when he had the time he didn't have the energy, and when he had the energy he didn't have the time.

When it comes to quantum sex jokes, an expert tells us, this is as good as it gets.

Reducing the cost and complexity of web vulnerability management

More from The Register

next story
'Windows 9' LEAK: Microsoft's playing catchup with Linux
Multiple desktops and live tiles in restored Start button star in new vids
Not appy with your Chromebook? Well now it can run Android apps
Google offers beta of tricky OS-inside-OS tech
New 'Cosmos' browser surfs the net by TXT alone
No data plan? No WiFi? No worries ... except sluggish download speed
SUSE Linux owner Attachmate gobbled by Micro Focus for $2.3bn
Merger will lead to mainframe and COBOL powerhouse
iOS 8 release: WebGL now runs everywhere. Hurrah for 3D graphics!
HTML 5's pretty neat ... when your browser supports it
Greater dev access to iOS 8 will put us AT RISK from HACKERS
Knocking holes in Apple's walled garden could backfire, says securo-chap
NHS grows a NoSQL backbone and rips out its Oracle Spine
Open source? In the government? Ha ha! What, wait ...?
Google extends app refund window to two hours
You now have 120 minutes to finish that game instead of 15
Intel: Hey, enterprises, drop everything and DO HADOOP
Big Data analytics projected to run on more servers than any other app
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
Security and trust: The backbone of doing business over the internet
Explores the current state of website security and the contributions Symantec is making to help organizations protect critical data and build trust with customers.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.