Consider yourself Moderatrixed
And be damn grateful about it, worms
Since my wife morphed into an adept Starcraft (I) player I refer to her as 'My Little Zergling'. Further, she presently approves of the term.
Yet, after a brief period of inward chuckling, I find I am uncomfortable in these lofty heights of the nerdosphere.
It must stop! What is to be done?
Hey, whatever does it for you, guy. Wouldn't life be oh-so-dull if we all liked the same things? I should say so! I think you should go right ahead and conduct your clearly happy, healthy, gaming-augmented relationship as you damn well please, and I certainly shan't be shopping you to the rozzers under the extreme porn laws.
(Although, between you and I, I do hear that an extra clause may be added to outlaw the shocking new practice of looking at 'zergling'. Anyone caught observing with at least one eye a representation in Paint or similar of an act of zergle between two people, after 2010, is gonna do bird. But keep your curtains closed and you should be fine.)
Why when I see comments on the reg that are pure drivel am I compelled to respond?
I pride myself on my perceptiveness when it comes to the curious motivations of others, but I must confess to being stumped by this one. I mean, why would any normal, intelligent human being want to get themselves all riled by weighing into ridiculous online argy-bargy with the kind of trolls, fools and twits who can't get their jollies any other way? Really, I'm entirely baffled.
When are you going to let Andrew Orlowski have his Optimus Prime back?
Now that he's destroyed Terminal 5 and Croydon, where will the Moderatrix be sending him before a final showdown with Megatron? Based on his current trajectory, I'd be worried if I lived in Sevenoaks...
I can reveal that Orlowski is, in fact, Optimus Prime. Bet you didn't see that one coming, didja?
Does chewing gum really lose it's flavour on the bedpost over night?
Is there really a moose loose aboot this hoose?
And more seriously why did the moderatrix sensor my perfectly sensible, albeit sexist and condescending, analogy between windows versions and seasonal variations in women's shoe colours?
Why do you think?
In a battle, to the death, who would win: Yourself, or Mr. Norris?
That is such a stupid question I may actually have to kill you. I'll give you a ten-second headstart, just to be sporting. Go on. Get those knees up.
Why is it that noone knows the difference between its and it's?
It's clearly the fault of successive governments failing utterly to provide adequate education in basic English, among other things. Everyone over the age of 18 really ought to know the difference between 'its' and 'it's' as well as 'loath' and 'loathe', 'discrete' and 'discreet', and... wait, 'noone'? You come to me with this question and you say 'noone' to me? Get you from this place. You just made the list, sonny Jim.
I am a lonely female engineer working in a man's world and it's not a good place to be. Why does there have to be a 2 in gap between top of shoe and bottom of trouser leg of your average male engineer? Why is deodorant outlawed (along with shower and clean shreddies I suspect)? Why, if you smile politely at yet another geeky tale, it's taken as a come-on and then you are stalked by geeky tale-teller? Why is co-ordinating colour shirt and tie so difficult? How the hell did some of these men manage to pull and marry women and then create offspring (oh, that image just after breakfast - shudder)? Why don't tall, good looking men go into engineering? Should I really have to sell out and put up with a man whose only involvement with technology is to turn on his HD Plasma, sit in front of it with his hands down his pants, belching along to MTV videos?
Sad and lonely in Auld Reekie
Well, S&LiAR, I think the only solution is to... or, you could... but in any case you must consider... oh, I don't know. I don't know. It's truly rotten what you have to put up with. It's bad enough what I have to put up with. Perhaps I should diversify into internet dating. Perhaps the tall, handsome, fragrant, long-trousered men of IT who are surely lurking out there could step up. Chaps? This is an emergency. Come on. Sort it out. I'm waiting. And so is S&LiAR.
Why is the cheese?
Because the boat. Idiot. Nice name, though.
That's your lot for now. If you have any worries, doubts or fears till next time, I suggest you ask a policeman. Mwah! ®
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