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US hackette ponders jub-powered iPod

'Why not put the girls to work?'

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

NSFW It's hats off this sunny Friday to US hackette Adrienne So of Washington Post tentacle Slate, who earlier this week pondered the delicious possibility of the jub-powered iPod.

As Adrienne points out, there's an awful lot of mammergy going to waste as sporty girls' chesticles resist the restraining force of sports bras and so, as she put it: "Why not put the girls to work?"

Cue the theoretical 'leccy generating brassiere, which Ms So pitched to former Oregon State University professor of exercise science LaJean Lawson. The good prof has "studied breast motion since 1985", and now works with Nike to develop better bras for sportswomen.

Lawson agreed that bouncing breasts might indeed provide a viable source of eco-power, while cautioning: "Let's face it - if you're a double-A marathoner, you're probably not going to get that iPod up and running."

Lawson indicated that B-cup jubs might travel vertically an inch during a work-out, and then sensationally claimed that "a D-cup in a low-support bra can travel as much as 35 inches up and down during exercise" - something we'd pay good money to see, and no messing.

In fact, our own research suggests a more modest figure, as confirmed by the jubtastic "bounceometer". Click here and prepare to be astounded:

The bounceometer: the net's true purpose

Suitably inspired by Lawson's figures, Adrienne then touched base with Professor Zhong Lin Wang of Georgia Tech - currently working on a "fabric made from nanowires that will capture energy from motion" - who confirmed a bra made of his wonder material could indeed power an iPod.

He encouraged: "Bras would be ideal. There is a lot of friction and movement in that general area. And the fabric would be thick."

Sadly, it was at this point that the plan hit a technical snag - the nanowire fabric doesn't respond well to washing, something it has in common with Triumph International Japan's prototype solar powered bra.

Since So is adamant any eco-bra must be machine washable, she's left to mull just how long it will be until her breasts can "start pulling their own weight". ®

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