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Comedy UK social network berates moaning users

'F*ck tha haterz'

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Maverick UK social network Faceparty has today told its millions of users it "can't be arsed" with their attitudes, and so has "shut the whole site down and fucked off to the zoo".

According to an outstanding rant posted to faceparty.com today and titled "To tha Haterz", the site's users have been complaining over an unfulfilled promise to provide "free cool tools" to everyone who uploaded a picture of themselves in fancy dress.

Faceparty's operators dispute users' claims that they have failed to deliver the "free cool tools" on time. In today's missive they promise to delete the account of "every single twat who moaned about their friggin' free cool tools". Users are warned that if they moan again the administrators will shut Faceparty down and get a job instead.

One particular "nob", we're told, is suing Faceparty because he didn't get his "free cool tools". We'll let Faceparty explain why it believes that's unfair itself:

Listen this is our HOBBY, not our business. there was a time when you understood that - back when the net was run buy [sic] the people like us, and not by massive corporations - just because MySpace and Facebook sold out to the corporate world, doesn't mean we did - we said no. Stop expecting "customer service" from us, cos WE DON'T HAVE CUSTOMERS - IT'S A FREE FUCKING SITE - too many of you treat us like we owe you something.

And quit the "you need us attitude" cos we really fucking don't. We don't make money from you - it's free. The things you pay for only cover the costs for the things you use.

The fit of pique is not entirely out of character for Faceparty, owned by Anarchy Towers Ltd. It's probably best known to most Reg readers for its unusual decision to kick out everyone over the age 36 because they might be paedophiles. It claimed new laws would mean the government would force it to verify all email addresses against the Sex Offenders Register, which it refused to do.

It was unclear how kicking out everyone older than 36 helped, or why that age was chosen. Faceparty later said it had deleted the accounts for other reasons.

The Guardian reported in November last year that Faceparty's audience was declining after peaking at six million, although today's message claims the recent mass deletions took out seven million profiles. According to the paper it's favoured by clubbers and gay men.

You can read Faceparty's whole, brilliant - if unbusiness like - tirade against its users in all its glory here. We've also saved a copy here for when the admins get back from the zoo.

The site's operators might not be paper billionaires, but they make much more interesting copy than boy-droid Gates clone Mark Zuckerberg. And for that, we at least, thank them. ®

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