Feeds

Oz TV advises CO2-emitting children to die early

Go now, for Gaia's sake

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

Gaia's revenge on Reg reporter

Gaia's revenge on Reg reporter

Your reporter doesn't own a car, lives in an apartment, and discovered he should have died aged 3.9 years. After a couple of run-throughs, it appears that eating meat is a major factor. But this is overshadowed by claiming a) very low earnings and b) spending what remains of one's pittance on organic food and "ethical investments".

Whether that's a life worth living is another question entirely. But the message from the Carbon Cult seems pretty clear: humans are a stain on the planet and should die; yet should they be permitted to live, they should live a life that's as miserable as possible.

When you fill in the environmentally-correct answers - something extraordinary happens. Look -

A negative carbon rating is achieved, the pig flies up to heaven...

Be miserable - gain Eternal life!

Be miserable - gain Eternal life!

...and eternal life is attained.

(Where presumably you're surrounded by 72 naked George Monbiots. A Guardian-reader's idea of paradise?)

So when should you have died, dear reader? Take the quiz and let me know - and we'll try and think of some creative way of illustrating it. (Suggestions welcome). ®

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Boffins say they've got Lithium batteries the wrong way around
Surprises at the nano-scale mean our ideas about how they charge could be all wrong
Edge Research Lab to tackle chilly LOHAN's final test flight
Our US allies to probe potential Vulture 2 servo freeze
Europe prepares to INVADE comet: Rosetta landing site chosen
No word yet on whether backup site is labelled 'K'
Cracked it - Vulture 2 power podule fires servos for 4 HOURS
Pixhawk avionics juice issue sorted, onwards to Spaceport America
Archaeologists and robots on hunt for more Antikythera pieces
How much of the world's oldest computer can they find?
Bacon-related medical breakthrough wins Ig Nobel prize
Is there ANYTHING cured pork can't do?
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.