Feeds

Life a mess? The Moderatrix can help

El Reg launches Agony Aunt service

High performance access to file storage

It's come to our attention that some of you have lost your way a little on this journey we call life, and are wandering aimlessly while attempting to answer the fundamentals of existence. How do I install a printer driver on Umbongo Linux? I'm hungry - should I order pizza or a bucket-'o-plumped-chicken-gizzards? If I have a shower, will women want to have sex with me?

Well, fret not, because help is at hand. Tomorrow, our famed comments Moderatrix will provide strict guidance for those of you struggling to cope. All you have to do is post your problem as a comment to this piece, and she will select the prime cuts for analysis.

There's just one simple ground rule: no submissions along the lines of "Why does windoze suck?", "I'm failing to grasp the IT angle on this one - can you help?" or "If I have a shower, will you have sex with me?". Remember - don't mess with the Moderatrix. ®

Bootnote

Please note that if your problem is that you find it hard to adequately express your thoughts in written form - ie, you're thick and semi-literate - we already have a handy cut-and-paste comments service to save you the bother of thinking for yourself. Carry on.

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Forget the beach 'n' boardwalk, check out the Santa Cruz STEVE JOBS FOUNTAIN
Reg reader snaps shot of touching tribute to Apple icon
Oz bank in comedy Heartbleed blog FAIL
Bank: 'We are now safely patched.' Customers: 'You were using OpenSSL?'
Happy 40th Playmobil: Reg looks back at small, rude world of our favourite tiny toys
Little men straddle LOHAN, attend tiny G20 Summit... ah, sweet memories...
Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise
Not exactly attractive to the Israeli tourist demographic
Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest
New minifigs like Monster Fighters are turning kids to the dark side
Dark SITH LORD 'Darth Vader' joins battle to rule, er, Ukraine
Only I can 'make an empire out of a republic' intones presidential candidate
Chinese company counters pollution by importing fresh air
Citizens line up for bags of that sweet, sweet mountain air
Google asks April Fools: Want a job? Be our 'Pokemon Master'
Mountain View is prankin' like it's 1999...
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Learn about three of the top mobile application security threats facing businesses today and recommendations on how to mitigate the risk.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
SANS - Survey on application security programs
In this whitepaper learn about the state of application security programs and practices of 488 surveyed respondents, and discover how mature and effective these programs are.