Customer Success Testimonial: Recovery is Everything

Cash-strapped AMD didn't bother to tell investors how it plans to reorganize manufacturing operations and return to profitability during its annual shareholder meeting yesterday — but apparently nobody was concerned.

Far greater queries were afoot.

"I realize we are in what 'doom people' say is a recession. We have been through those a thousand times," said the man. "But even when you go through a recession, people still play golf. It's probably one of the most popular sports that guys my age . . . can do without breaking their necks. They don't get knocked to the ground like they do in football."

And it went on:

"I am raising the question whether or not it would be of any advantage to AMD to either attempt to sponsor something like that, you know, Dell builds a children hospital - I mean you hear it all the time about everybody else, and all I read about y'all is that you didn't get the Barcelona out on time. You know, a kick in the tail so to speak."

AMD's board listened patiently:

"Would it help this company . . . to get yourself before the public . . . I am just throwing it out to you while the board is here. Would it be of any advantage to you to try to get yourself before the public in a way that you have never done before. [Instead of] somebody reading in the paper that you didn't get the Barcelona out - AMD is sponsoring a golf championship."

Once again, this was the only questioned offered to AMD during the conference:

"Everyone loves the Champions Tour..."

CEO Hector Ruiz suddenly snaps back into consciousness:

"Thank you. First of all, there is no idea suggesting that it is not a good idea," said Ruiz. "We appreciate that you took the time to do it. There are members of the board and the management team that do play golf. We will take your suggestion seriously."

"Any more questions."

Six consecutive quarters operating at a loss, a massive workforce culling in progress, and no details about how things will change. There were no more questions.

So we at El Reg did some journalistic investigating into the matter and it turns out sponsoring a golf tournament is really F-ing expensive. Like, way more than five bucks, and since at last count AMD was in the hole some $358m, we'll go out on a limb and recommend against this course of action.

But so long as AMD is taking these sort of things "seriously," we offer the company a list of sports it could sponsor on a dime.

• Chess Boxing
• World Championship Bog Snorkelling
• Competitive Eating
• Homeless World Cup
• World Marbles Championship
• Professional Cornholing

Any other suggestions to get AMD in front of an unfamiliar public and to stop all that damned Barcelona chatter? ®

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