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Lancashire plodcopters in laser dazzle outrage outbreak

Blind justice meted out to presentational-aid yob trio

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

It now appears that laser-pointer pilot dazzle attacks have joined the hilarious satnav-inspired motoring blunder as a staple of news kibble, with the global presentational-aid-related airborne blinding epidemic now devastating the skies above Lancashire.

The BBC reports that the latest ocular outrage occurred last night above the town of Nelson during a high-speed police helicopter chase. A Lancashire Constabulary law-copter pilot, pursuing fleeing miscreants in a ground vehicle, was suddenly targeted from below by a man, 45, wielding a deadly "laser pen," whose "beam was shone into his eyes. He could not see and was forced to take evasive action.

"Lancashire Police said the incident on Wednesday night could have resulted in a crash and multiple injuries or deaths."

The potentially horrific shock incident follows hard on the heels of a pair of similar implicitly murderous beam-blinding assaults against Lancashire whirly-plods last week. In apparently unrelated attacks, men, 20 and 43, of Manchester and Reddish respectively, fired dastardly dazzle beams at orbiting copper-choppers.

All this comes mere weeks after angry Australian politicians reclassified laser pointers as deadly weapons. The smackdown down under was prompted by a spate of conceivably catastrophic coherent-light strikes against airliners, cop-copters and even a traffic chopper - though in that last case the attack was actually delivered by an avant garde discoball modern art installation modelled on convict-era eel traps.

One might note, however, that the airborne lawmen of Lancashire seem to be one up on their Australian opposite numbers. In all three recently reported cases, partially blinded police pilots turned on their assailants and quickly located them using thermal cameras. Retribution was swift, with vengeful groundborne plods arriving speedily to bracelet the optical offenders.®

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