"You can't get the wood, you know."

"Milligan, what would you do if you found the enemy raping your grandmother?"

"I'd wait til he'd finished, then, I'd bury her again."

Yes, should be required reading for everybody. funny and touching, and learn about the 2nd world war from the point of an ordinary person, not "i sat on a hill and ordered 30 thousand people to run at the enemy then went back for drinks".

Now can somebody please release all his "Q" series + "There's a lot of it about" on DVD - unedited? Get sick of going into stores and seeing like box sets of some crappy old childrens programme and this work langishes in vaults.

"Absolutely" the sketch comedy show is finally coming out on DVD after many years of harrasment from fans - and they run their own production company!

...very ironic that a man who hated gadgets, gizmo's and technology should now be "living" again through mobile tech.

As the Great Man himself would have said: "Fuck Off".

<quote>

It also watched him hit the pothole, leave the bike, strike the ground, clutch the shin, scream the agony, sweaer the word. 'Caw!' said the crow. 'Balls!' said the Milligan.

</quote>

He did tell everybody he was ill but nobody listens whenever they are mad and/or bad.

"There's no such thing as anything, and sometimes even less!" ..... Thanks for the Memory, Spike, and now to Prove IT.

Here's a page of Real dDeep Titters .... http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Spike_Milligan

Smile and the world smiles with you ....and probably also thinks that you're Quite Mad?

[Drunken Canadian officer]- Can you play 'The Maple Leaf Forever'?

[Milligan, playing in dance band] No sir: after half an hour, our drummer's arms get tired.

Ah! "Puckoon". The first book I ever read that made me laugh out loud.

His 7 book War Trllogy (sic) also performed the same trick.

Here's a song that I recall,

My mother sang to me.

She sang it when she tucked me in,

When I was nine-teee-threee...

Ringtone Ringtone Ringtone Ringtone Ringtone iddle eye po

Ringtone Ringtone Ringtone Ringtone Ringtone iddle eye po

Ringtone Ringtone Ringtone Ringtone Ringtone iddle eye po

Repeat adwords infinitum...

Should have been launched 9 days ago.

"What are we going to do now..."

stunningly evil - you bastard

...want to buy one nylon sock?

Your friends company's future is now assured!

..Who, one afternoon,

Said, 'I think I will fly to the sun.'

So, with two great palms

Strapped to his arms,

He Started his take-off run.

Mile after mile

He galloped in style

But never once left the ground.

"You're running too slow,"

Said a passing crow,

"Try reaching the speed of sound."

So he put on a spurt -

By God how it hurt!

The soles of his feet caught fire.

There were great clouds of steam

As he raced through a stream

But he still didn't get any higher.

Racing on through the night,

Both his knees caught alight

And smoke biollowed out from his rear.

Quick to his aid

Came a fire brigade

Who chased him for over a year.

Many moons passed by.

Did Baboon ever fly?

Did he ever get to the sun?

I've just heard today

That he's well on his way!

He'll be passing through Acton at One.

(and what did you expect from a baboon anyway?)

...he'd tried everything, he'd even been to the bank.

"Don't be a fool, father", they said, "put that gun down!"

And many, many more.

There's Holes in the sky

where the rain gets in

these holes are small

that's why rain is thin

One of my all-time favourite poems.

Also, getting on for 10 years ago now, the Grauniad's cryptic crossword had one of the most magnificent clues I've ever seen: the answer was the whole poem, spread over about 5 or 6 lines, but the clue was an anagram and paraphrase of the entire thing. Truly a thing of wonder :)

@Richard:

I agree with Chris Simmons - you are an evil bastard.

...Funny, though...!

OTOH - @Chris Simmons:

I don't care for baboons. "Try one of my chimpanzees; they're milder."

I've heard that this won't be available until Q5

[On the set of the 1973 film "The Three Musketeers"]

Oliver Reed: "Why do people take an instant dislike to me?"

Spike: "It saves time."

(he said, failing to notice that he had fallen down.)

"My parent had three kids, one of each".

"Money can't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy"

True. Bloody. Genius,