THIS is a knife.

(C) Paul Hogan aka "Crocodile Dundee"

Mines the Teflon one with the anti-stab lining

Well I've heard of a drunk person going for a 'slash' but this really nicks the biscuit..

The one with the scabbard in the side, 'ta!

I suppose it would stop him falling out of bed.

It's been know since pre-history that alcohol is a wonderful anaesthetic !! It is also a wonderful antiseptic, especially when circulated in the blood stream. So, unless the knife hit something vital, he should be quite safe !!

And finally, last but certainly not least, should he be killed, the alcohol in him should preserve(/pickle/mummify) him in a fit state until a decision is made on the disposition of his remains !!

Alcohol !! One of the greatest discoveries of mankind !! Ask the El Reg staffers. They should know all about it !!

apparently a similar, no, related method involving viagra is used in old peoples homes to stop the old boys rolling out of bed.

I'd check there are no knives missing from the kitchen.

Man comes home drunk, crashes around, makes a messm, falls asleep, snores and farts all over missues, wakes with knife in his back and it was a guy at work...yeaaahhh riiiggghhhttt...

he was so drunk he fell into bed face first... ouch.

I hereby declare Victor the victor!

The antistab vest please (the one recently modelled by some government minister to tour her own constituency).

Most drunk stories are pissing in the wardrobe or sock draw.

Just goes to show,

keep one eye open at work or some bugger is ready to stab you in the back !

The El Reg staffers know about booze? I'd say that the BOFH is a better person to ask....

Mine's the one with the Hoegaarden paraphernalia...

Yuri Lyalin said: "We were drinking and what doesn't happen when you're drunk?"

I like his attitude, and if he was one of the candidates for London Mayor I'd probably vote for him.

<Title>

Paris because I can imagine her saying exactly the same as Yuri!

...he came home half cut then.

Fear the Eastern Europeans and their superhuman qualities!

But with out the booze, just the knifes in the back....

Bitter..... I'm not as forgiving as Yuri.... "Honey I'm going to work, where is my shotgun?!"

This reminds me of something that happened at college. A bunch of us were walking home from a party, when one guy stumbled off the pavement. The bumper (or fender for American speakers) of a passing car snagged his trouser leg and dragged him thirty odd feet down the road. Fortunately the car wasn't going fast, as it was braking for a corner.

We called an ambulance, and after it arrived we walked to A&E to see how our friend was doing. It turns out he'd fractured his leg, but was so inebriated that he couldn't feel the pain - a good thing, as the medical staff were unable to administer strong painkillers to a drunk!

"as the medical staff were unable to administer strong painkillers to a drunk!"

Oh yes, they can !! Why do you think they keep them old socks with lead shot in em for ?? Then there's those 10 pound panel beating mallets....

And they have category-A NBC masks in case the fumes from either end.....

So the bus driver, pub mates and random people didnt notice a bleeding man witha knife in his back? Then again, if I was drunk i'd spend too much time thinking about what to say to the bloke with a knife sticking out of him (by which time he'd have gone)

Paris, she usually notices when 6 inches are stuck in her

And that is why Russian soldiers are issued vodka instead of armor.

Mine's the one with a Spetsnaz patch on the sleeve.

Yes, I'd heard it. It prompted my comment, but I didn't bother including the joke.

whilst drinking slivovica,'The alcohol content can vary from 25-70% by volume, but most store-bought varieties are 40–45%.'

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slivovitz

"It is also a wonderful antiseptic, especially when circulated in the blood stream."

Wonderfull antiseptic it is indeed. at 50-70%. Which would be... lemme see (xcalc -rpn) between 63 and 89 g/L, roughtly. The lowest would involve the quaffing of a mere 7 L of 50 ° strong booze, if you neglect diffusion through tissues and catabolism. Make it at least 14 L to be on the safe side. Now if you want to ditch antibiotics for that approach, good luck, and hats off! I don't think that even slavic dudes are resistant enough for such a dose...

Still true about the painkilling effect though.

Unfortunately true !! Too many of them still have blood in their alcohol stream !! :-(