Feeds

No sense of humour? Avoid Bootnotes

Fridays: A warning from history

Top three mobile application threats

NSFW It's come to our attention that, while having provided years and years and years of non-IT-related merriment for you, our beloved readers, our Bootnotes section continues, despite containing headlines such as "NZ finds Black Cocks hard to swallow", "Witchdoctor orders Serb to have sex with hedgehog" and indeed "Woman gets mobile phone stuck up back orifice" combined with relentless coverage of battling Streatham clotheshorses, highly-talented heiresses' amateur grumble flicks and Playmobil reconstructions of outrages at Heathrow's T5, to prove problematic for a small minority of our international audience.

Specifically, we are still getting people banging on and on and on and on and on about the lack of IT angle in some stories, repeatedly demanding "What is this doing on The Register?" and indeed intoning the tired old mantra of "I personally am not interested in reading this kind of material, so don't publish any more or I will remove you from my bookmarks - permanently".

However, and before you start imagining this is about to turn into a broadside against these whiners, please note that we're not entirely unsympathetic.

I for one am not much interested in football. To my dismay, I recently opened a copy of a well-known UK broadsheet to find it had dedicated several pages to this sport and which otherwise might have been put over to subjects more to my liking.

Cue a (very polite, I hasten to add) email to the editor of the organ in question, suggesting he in future can coverage of The Champions League and carry instead more Paris Hilton nipslip exclusives, and so forth. He quickly replied: "I'm sorry to hear you don't like our football coverage, but might I suggest that you therefore in future stay out of the bit of the paper headed 'Football'? Now please go away or I will call the police."

Well, despite the abrasive tone of his conclusion, it's hard to question the advice. And so it is in that spirit that we pass our own advice on to you - when browsing the Reg, the section you want to avoid is Bootnotes, above all on a Friday. Thank you. ®

Bootnote

As is the local custom, we'd like to warn readers that the first person to post a "where's the IT angle, eh, I didn't fight in two world wars to read this kind of crap on the register, any more of it and you're out of my bookmarks for good you fucktards" comment will be banned for life from these pages, his or her family sold into slavery, his or her house reposessed and converted into a crack den for swan-roasting immigrants and he or she sent packed in a crate to Chuck Norris for some roundhouse-kicking El Reg justice. Just so you know...

Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction

More from The Register

next story
Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise
Not exactly attractive to the Israeli tourist demographic
Oz bank in comedy Heartbleed blog FAIL
Bank: 'We are now safely patched.' Customers: 'You were using OpenSSL?'
Happy 40th Playmobil: Reg looks back at small, rude world of our favourite tiny toys
Little men straddle LOHAN, attend tiny G20 Summit... ah, sweet memories...
Forget the beach 'n' boardwalk, check out the Santa Cruz STEVE JOBS FOUNTAIN
Reg reader snaps shot of touching tribute to Apple icon
Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest
New minifigs like Monster Fighters are turning kids to the dark side
Dark SITH LORD 'Darth Vader' joins battle to rule, er, Ukraine
Only I can 'make an empire out of a republic' intones presidential candidate
Chinese company counters pollution by importing fresh air
Citizens line up for bags of that sweet, sweet mountain air
Google asks April Fools: Want a job? Be our 'Pokemon Master'
Mountain View is prankin' like it's 1999...
prev story

Whitepapers

SANS - Survey on application security programs
In this whitepaper learn about the state of application security programs and practices of 488 surveyed respondents, and discover how mature and effective these programs are.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Top three mobile application threats
Learn about three of the top mobile application security threats facing businesses today and recommendations on how to mitigate the risk.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.