Feeds

Wombat rape ordeal turns NZ man Australian

Traumatised victim spouts Strine

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

A NZ man who rang emergency services claiming he'd been left speaking Australian as a result of rape by a wombat has been sentenced to 75 hours' community service, stuff.co.nz reports.

Nelson District Court heard earlier this week how on the afternoon of 11 February, 48-year-old orchard worker Arthur Ross Cradock initially phoned the police communications centre threatening to "smash the filth" if they came to his Motueka home, but confirmed he had an emergency.

A second call revealed the exact nature of the crisis when Cradock told the operator: "I've been raped by a wombat."

Cradock requested police intervention, but shortly after called for a third time to cancel. He said: "I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know, I didn't hurt my bum at all.''

Cradock was subsequently charged with "using a phone for a fictitious purpose". Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court "alcohol had played a big part in [his] life", although defence lawyer Michael Vesty claimed booze "was not a problem that day".

Judge Richard Russell unsurprisingly admitted he was "not quite sure what motivated Cradock to make those statements to the police", and in sentencing warned the defendant "not to do it again". ®

Bootnote

One of the El Reg editorial team hails from New Zealand, and apparently spent all day yesterday attempting to prevent this story falling into the hands of the Friday Bootnotes department. I'm obliged to the three readers who quite rightly alerted me to it.

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
5 critical considerations for enterprise cloud backup
Key considerations when evaluating cloud backup solutions to ensure adequate protection security and availability of enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Business security measures using SSL
Examines the major types of threats to information security that businesses face today and the techniques for mitigating those threats.