Feeds

El Reg reconstructs Heathrow T5 chaos

Fearful scenes of UK's latest titsup

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

For those of you who are having difficulty fully comprehending the fearful chaos inside Heathrow's new Terminal 5, inaugurated this week amid the kind of anarchy which only BAA can really pull off, we're delighted to offer this afternoon our representation of the scenes inside the building as enraged passengers storm the security gates in the vain hope that armed action might reunite them with their luggage:

Heathrow's T5 as seen in our artist's impression

We should explain that the security operatives seen here have just accidently shot dead the only person capable of fixing the baggage handling computer system, since he tried to get past them with an illicit 250ml of black coffee without decanting it into the regulation terror-busting plastic bags.

Anyone who's wondering why the other participants in this drama are dressed as pirates should be aware that while our Playmobil Security Check Point fortuitously turned up this morning, the box of 500 angry customers we also ordered has been delayed in transit, since it was apparently routed from Germany via a well-known UK airport.

Accordingly, we have improvised with our extensive collection of Playmobil buccaneers. ®

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

Endpoint data privacy in the cloud is easier than you think
Innovations in encryption and storage resolve issues of data privacy and key requirements for companies to look for in a solution.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Advanced data protection for your virtualized environments
Find a natural fit for optimizing protection for the often resource-constrained data protection process found in virtual environments.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.