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Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/17/exploding_turnip_baldrick/

Exploding turnip threat menaces Indiana town

By Lewis Page
Published Monday 17th March 2008 13:31 GMT

Terror came to Fort Wayne, Indiana, late last week as a suspicious package arrived at the offices of a local law firm in a move that seemed to presage a deadly bomb outrage slaughter campaign.

After a tense operation by robot and human bomb-disposal operatives, however, it was discovered that the infernal device was in fact - in the judgement of the local bomb squad - a potentially exploding turnip.

The threatening vegetable was despatched in a "bluish gift bag" contained within a box slightly smaller than a baseball, according to Fort Wayne Journal-Gazette reporter Abby Slutsky.

The bomb squad was summoned at once, naturally, and used "a robot, fondly known as 'Bob'" to move the gift-bagged turnip of death into the car park. At this point an officer in full armour bravely approached the vegetable and X-rayed it.

According to remarks by Fort Wayne police spokesman Michael Joyner, as reported by Slutsky, the bomb technicians - having had a look at the X-ray - "were certain the package did not contain an [ordinary] explosive device". Nonetheless, they "opted to err on the side of caution and decided to try to detonate [the turnip] with a water cannon".

The only possible interpretation of this is that the bomb squad had received definitive warning of mutant/genetically-tampered-with EXPLODING TURNIPS (or maybe that the X-ray didn't come out)

We here on the Reg bomb-disposal desk, however, would never have used a water disruptor in a case of this type. The obvious technique for use against a exploder-turnip-based bomb (based on the UK's much broader perspective in this field) would clearly be the use of the "Baldrick" penetration attack. (We are not making the Baldrick up (http://www.sartma.com/artc_436_SA_260_1.html).)

"I'm now on constant alert against this and other rooted vegetables," said Fort Wayne lawyer Mark GiaQuinta, to whom the package was addressed.

He theorised that the explosive-esque yet nourishing gift had been sent to him by a disgruntled individual against whom GiaQuinta had acted in court. This person, described by the attorney as "volatile", had perhaps been trying to send the message "you can't get blood from a turnip".

Or something. Read the extensive - and excellent - Journal-Gazette coverage here (http://www.journalgazette.net/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080314/LOCAL07/803140343) and here (http://www.journalgazette.net/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080315/LOCAL07/803150407). ®

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