Feeds

Exploding turnip threat menaces Indiana town

UK's 'Baldrick' bomb-squad tool may be rushed in

The Essential Guide to IT Transformation

Terror came to Fort Wayne, Indiana, late last week as a suspicious package arrived at the offices of a local law firm in a move that seemed to presage a deadly bomb outrage slaughter campaign.

After a tense operation by robot and human bomb-disposal operatives, however, it was discovered that the infernal device was in fact - in the judgement of the local bomb squad - a potentially exploding turnip.

The threatening vegetable was despatched in a "bluish gift bag" contained within a box slightly smaller than a baseball, according to Fort Wayne Journal-Gazette reporter Abby Slutsky.

The bomb squad was summoned at once, naturally, and used "a robot, fondly known as 'Bob'" to move the gift-bagged turnip of death into the car park. At this point an officer in full armour bravely approached the vegetable and X-rayed it.

According to remarks by Fort Wayne police spokesman Michael Joyner, as reported by Slutsky, the bomb technicians - having had a look at the X-ray - "were certain the package did not contain an [ordinary] explosive device". Nonetheless, they "opted to err on the side of caution and decided to try to detonate [the turnip] with a water cannon".

The only possible interpretation of this is that the bomb squad had received definitive warning of mutant/genetically-tampered-with EXPLODING TURNIPS (or maybe that the X-ray didn't come out)

We here on the Reg bomb-disposal desk, however, would never have used a water disruptor in a case of this type. The obvious technique for use against a exploder-turnip-based bomb (based on the UK's much broader perspective in this field) would clearly be the use of the "Baldrick" penetration attack. (We are not making the Baldrick up.)

"I'm now on constant alert against this and other rooted vegetables," said Fort Wayne lawyer Mark GiaQuinta, to whom the package was addressed.

He theorised that the explosive-esque yet nourishing gift had been sent to him by a disgruntled individual against whom GiaQuinta had acted in court. This person, described by the attorney as "volatile", had perhaps been trying to send the message "you can't get blood from a turnip".

Or something. Read the extensive - and excellent - Journal-Gazette coverage here and here. ®

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS
Threaderick the Great! And YES, we asked the Arapaho
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Indian techies-in-training face down MAN-EATING LEOPARD - and WIN
Big cat causes big trouble at Mumbai college
Too rich for an iPhone 6? How about a gold-plated Brikk?
Not lobbed at your head, silly – a bling phone
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Backing up Big Data
Solving backup challenges and “protect everything from everywhere,” as we move into the era of big data management and the adoption of BYOD.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.