Feeds

Vatican updates list of mortal sins

Hell now accepting polluters, genetic scientists, and obscenely rich

Security for virtualized datacentres

Today is Monday, which means an addendum to the list of things Catholics should feel guilty about.

Fresh off the red telephone with Providence, a senior member of the Vatican is upgrading a handful of lesser celestial bugaboos into what now will effectively destroy the grace of God within the heart of the sinner.

The Vatican's newspaper L'Osservatore Romano, interviewed senior cleric Gianfranco Girotti, head of the Apostolic Penitentiary (basically, the bureau of sin and absolution), who listed drug trafficking, pollution, social injustice and genetic manipulation as the new bleeding edge of mortal sins.

"If yesterday, sin had a rather individualistic dimension, today it has a weight, a resonance, that's especially social, rather than individual," the Associated Press translates from Girotti.

The article comes from the end of a week-long priestly seminar in Rome with the goal of reviving the Catholic practice of confession. What better way to drive up business than to create more sins that require sacrament of penance and reconciliation?

Girotti abominated "certain violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulations". He also added drugs to God's peeves, which Girotti said "weaken the mind and obscure intelligence". The Holy Trinity is also reportedly unhappy about pollution, and the widening social and economic differences between the rich and poor.

The offenses are now categorized as mortal sins, which are far more damning than mere venial sins — which heaven is willing to overlook sans-confession if you play your cards right. Mortal sins require a thorough soul-scrubbing in the booth. ®

Bootnote

Dear man driving the Hummer in front of me today,

Ha ha!

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
SECRET U.S. 'SPACE WARPLANE' set to return from SPY MISSION
Robot minishuttle X-37B returns after almost 2 years in orbit
LOHAN crash lands on CNN
Overflies Die Welt en route to lively US news vid
'Utter killjoy Reg hacks have NEVER BEEN LAID', writes a fan
'Shuddit, smarty pants!' Some readers reacted badly to our last Doctor Who review ...
Experts brand LOHAN's squeaky-clean box
Phytosanitary treatment renders Vulture 2 crate fit for export
Carry On Cosmonaut: Willful Child is a poor taste Star Trek parody
Cringeworthy, crude and crass jokes abound in Steven Erikson’s sci-fi debut
White LED lies: It's great, but Nobel physics prize-winning great?
How artificial lighting could offer an artificial promise
NASA eyeballs SOLAR HEAT BOMBS, MINI-TORNADOES and NANOFLARES on Sun
Astro boffins probe fiery star's hidden depths
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.