Feeds

Vatican updates list of mortal sins

Hell now accepting polluters, genetic scientists, and obscenely rich

The smart choice: opportunity from uncertainty

Today is Monday, which means an addendum to the list of things Catholics should feel guilty about.

Fresh off the red telephone with Providence, a senior member of the Vatican is upgrading a handful of lesser celestial bugaboos into what now will effectively destroy the grace of God within the heart of the sinner.

The Vatican's newspaper L'Osservatore Romano, interviewed senior cleric Gianfranco Girotti, head of the Apostolic Penitentiary (basically, the bureau of sin and absolution), who listed drug trafficking, pollution, social injustice and genetic manipulation as the new bleeding edge of mortal sins.

"If yesterday, sin had a rather individualistic dimension, today it has a weight, a resonance, that's especially social, rather than individual," the Associated Press translates from Girotti.

The article comes from the end of a week-long priestly seminar in Rome with the goal of reviving the Catholic practice of confession. What better way to drive up business than to create more sins that require sacrament of penance and reconciliation?

Girotti abominated "certain violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulations". He also added drugs to God's peeves, which Girotti said "weaken the mind and obscure intelligence". The Holy Trinity is also reportedly unhappy about pollution, and the widening social and economic differences between the rich and poor.

The offenses are now categorized as mortal sins, which are far more damning than mere venial sins — which heaven is willing to overlook sans-confession if you play your cards right. Mortal sins require a thorough soul-scrubbing in the booth. ®

Bootnote

Dear man driving the Hummer in front of me today,

Ha ha!

Eight steps to building an HP BladeSystem

More from The Register

next story
Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 claimed lives of HIV/AIDS cure scientists
Researchers, advocates, health workers among those on shot-down plane
Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Eccentric billionaire Musk gets his PRIVATE SPACEPORT
In the Lone Star State, perhaps appropriately enough
The Sun took a day off last week and made NO sunspots
Someone needs to get that lazy star cooking again before things get cold around here
Diary note: Pluto's close-up is a year from … now!
New Horizons is less than a year from the dwarf planet
Boffins discuss AI space program at hush-hush IARPA confab
IBM, MIT, plenty of others invited to fill Uncle Sam's spy toolchest, but where's Google?
Microsoft's anti-bug breakthrough: Wire devs to BRAIN SCANNERS
Clippy: It looks your hands are shaking, are you sure you want to commit this code?
prev story

Whitepapers

Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.