Feeds

Gov boffins to carry out simulated London dirty bombing

Will carry official toxic-attack-expert IDs

Build a business case: developing custom apps

The UK Home Office has warned passersby in London's Marylebone district not to panic if they should notice individuals releasing colourless, odourless gases into the crowded urban streets. Rather than evil terrorist mad-scientists carrying out a deadly nerve gas attack, these are responsible government-funded scientists carrying out a simulated gas or dirty-bomb attack.

Tony McNulty, minister for plods and spooks, assures us that there is nothing to worry about.

A top government toxin-cloud brainbox at work

A government toxic-outrage scientist at work.

It's evidently a stressful job.

"These tracer gas trials are planned in the Westminster area of London in the next couple of weeks. There is no danger... the tracer gases are non-toxic and odourless," he said in a statement.

"We have some of the best emergency planning systems* in the world. These trials support the development of the UK’s capability to model the release of hazardous material in urban environments."

The trials are being carried out by a joint academic project called Dispersion of Air Pollution and Penetration into the Local Environment (DAPPLE), now retasked with Home Office cash for simulation of "a chemical, biological, radiological or nuclear release". This new set of experiments is thus called DAPPLE-HO.

The government gas-cloud boffins will be wearing hi-vis jackets and will be "carrying ID showing that they from the DAPPLE project". So if you see anyone carrying out what looks like a suicide nerve-toxin strike in Marylebone, be sure to check their credentials before fleeing in panic or setting about them with improvised clubs and projectiles in have-a-go-hero/lynchmob kill frenzy style.

Sadly the DAPPLE website doesn't give an example of genuine DAPPLE identity documents, which could leave an opening for dastardly gas-attack terrorists packing fake IDs to masquerade as righteous government dirty-bomb boffins, allowing them to carry out their fiendish plans unmolested. But no doubt the Home Office has factored this into its calculations.

The DAPPLE-HO site does have a photo gallery, though, offering a rare glimpse into the life of a top-flight government poison-cloud expert. It seems a shame that they have to sleep in corridors, but sometimes in the War On Stuff sacrifices must be made.

The Marylebone gassings will take place "shortly", apparently. ®

*We're guessing McNulty means planning for emergencies rather than planning of emergencies. Though in this case he is planning a small, simulated emergency.

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

More from The Register

next story
Hello, police, El Reg here. Are we a bunch of terrorists now?
Do Brits risk arrest for watching beheading video nasty? We asked the fuzz
Snowden on NSA's MonsterMind TERROR: It may trigger cyberwar
Plus: Syria's internet going down? That was a US cock-up
UK government accused of hiding TRUTH about Universal Credit fiasco
'Reset rating keeps secrets on one-dole-to-rule-them-all plan', say MPs
Caught red-handed: UK cops, PCSOs, specials behaving badly… on social media
No Mr Fuzz, don't ask a crime victim to be your pal on Facebook
e-Borders fiasco: Brits stung for £224m after US IT giant sues UK govt
Defeat to Raytheon branded 'catastrophic result'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Felony charges? Harsh! Alleged Anon hackers plead guilty to misdemeanours
US judge questions harsh sentence sought by prosecutors
This'll end well: US govt says car-to-car jibber-jabber will SAVE lives
Department of Transportation starts cogs turning for another wireless comms standard
UK fuzz want PINCODES on ALL mobile phones
Met Police calls for mandatory passwords on all new mobes
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
7 Elements of Radically Simple OS Migration
Avoid the typical headaches of OS migration during your next project by learning about 7 elements of radically simple OS migration.
BYOD's dark side: Data protection
An endpoint data protection solution that adds value to the user and the organization so it can protect itself from data loss as well as leverage corporate data.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?