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Wheels come off Paris Hilton movie vehicle

The Hottie and the Nottie crashes and burns

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Highly-talented she may be, but movie fans have managed to completely resist the temptation to enjoy Paris Hilton's charms in The Hottie and the Nottie, released last week to virtually empty theatres and less-than-flattering reviews.

In fact, those who braved a screening of the romantic comedy may now require lengthy psychiatric counselling, if this user anaylsis on IMDb is anything to go by:

I saw this film the only way any sane person will - by coercion. Mad vandals broke into my house in one of those "Clockwork Orange" style home invasions all the kids are doing nowadays. After trashing my place, they forced me into a panel van. Imagine my horror when I found out that instead of systematically torturing me and tossing my body into a shallow grave, they maniacs were forcing me to watch "The Hottie and the NOttie." I tried in vain to turn my head to stop the terrible, soul destroying images swimming in front of my eyes, but my captors forced me to watch the unfolding horror.

At some point I must have separated from my body and created a second personality to survive the abuse, because I have no memory the last 30 minutes. When I close my eyes at night, I still see her face. Oh god, someday, I pray, it will stop and I will have peace. Someday.

We feel your pain. For the record, The Hottie and the Nottie took $27,696 on its opening weekend, an average of $249 for each of the 111 cinemas foolish enough to screen it, according to Box Office Mojo.

This disastrous performance may, we fear, force the cancellation of the planned sequel - The Hutu and the Tutsi - in which Ms Hilton plays a wealthy heiress who flees to Rwanda to escape a critical shoeing at the hands of the US entertainment press and unexpectedly finds love amid the smouldering post-genocidal ruins of that tortured land. ®

Bootnote

Thanks to Mike Richards for the tip-off. He says he's starting to feel a bit sorry for poor old Paris, and reckons we in Europe should all support her by flocking to The Hottie and the Nottie when it screens over here. Fair enough, you first...

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