Boozing boffins contribute less to science
More beer, less research
A Czech researcher has stayed out of the pub long enough to demonstrate that those scientists who don't follow his shining example produce fewer papers, attract fewer citations per paper, and fewer citations overall.
Thomáš Grim's grim findings, reported in the Journal of Unlikely Science, will certainly come as a terrible shock to those among you who are convinced that deep insights in superstrings and dark matter can only be achieved following rigorous intake of ale*, but there you have it.
It's not just the quality of boozing boffins' work that suffers, either. They might also risk depression, "lack of co-operation with others", and decreased employability prospects, according to Grim.
Grim is apparently perfectly placed to probe the link between alcohol and (lack of) scientific rigour, since the Czech Republic boasts the highest per-capita intake of beer in the world. His advice seems to be that to better advance humanity the eggheads among you should avoid both the boozer and the Czech Republic. Iran's nuclear programme seems to fit the bill nicely... ®
*Professor Innes Cuthill of the University of Bristol did indeed express surprise at Grim's results, telling the Journal of Unlikely Science: "I would have thought the relationship would have been the other way round." We'll drink to that.
I think this research was conducted using Czech Pilsner-type lager, not ale, so the results may be different using that. May I suggest similar research in the UK?
<nitpick> His name is Tomáš, not Thomáš.
My coat please, I'm heading out for a beer.
You're my best mate, you are, I luv you, you an' me aginst a wurld...
Most of them need to shut up
The lack of decent quality in research lately proves there are a lot of tea totaling, blathering, inconclusive, nitwits crapping out more disposable science, than you can shake a stick at, drink don't publish if it's compelling enough to poke through your inebriation then write about it.