Fermented fish symbiotically pollinate model's hardwood feet
Paying by the word
Comments Swedish police are investigating a case of an open can of surströmming which was hurled through the bedroom window of a 52-year-old Motala man. The strong-smelling local delicacy has a deserved reputation as a potent biological terror agent, so the offence is a very serious one. Just as serious as the comments:
Had a swedish colleague some years ago. He explained and then demonstrated to me the finest points of eating surströmming.
First you keep the freshly made can for half a year minimum. It's "good for consuption" only when the can starts to have bulges showing an increase of internal pressure. When the bulges stop increasing, it's good, which takes you to a year, year and a half old can.
Then you make a rye bread sandwich with butter, potatoes, onions and surströmming, potatoes and onions balancing the strong fish taste.
The "older" way is much simpler : get the fish on a plate, put onions and potatoes if you have them, dip with bread and eat along with firebrannwien ("spiced" vodka).
No herbs or color admitted, it should be grayish with a white counterpoint.
As long as you dislike the taste of surströmming, you keep on drinking and eating.
When you start thinking around the lines of "surströmming is not so bad", you have reached an optimum drunkeness point and you should avoid both surströmming and vodka until you get down a bit and enjoy the bliss (also, at this point most women will become more attractive to you... ).
If you suddenly like surströmming a lot, you are definetly pissed and should also refrain as you reached a dangerous point with a near future full of rotten fish and ugly girls (this is a direct quote of my friend).
The Scandinavians sure know how to boggle the mind with fish. (Lutefisk is fish marinaded in lime (the drain cleaner Americans call lye, not the citrus fruit), by the way). I genuinely regret not having had the chance to try the stuff when I was in Oslo recently. I'm actually a vegetarian, but I'd have made an exception for something so bizarre.
Or pickled beluga. Yes, you heard me--it's whale skin/fat chunks in a kind of oil and left on an Alaskan shelf for, oh... a year will do.
Thank goodness I've never gone up to that part of the US.
Or, you can try the ultimate one:
Icelandic sour shark. http://www.isholf.is/gullis/jo/shark.htm
Best consumed with lots of Brannivin. The brand of this is "Svartadaudir" (Black death).
Other funny delicacies is norwegian Smalahovud - Sheeps head. The wool is burnt off and the head is cooked in the oven. It's served whole...
I have a theory that most countries creat an absolutely horrible delicacy that they press on visiting foreigners so they can watch the poor sods trying to eat while not running for the great white phone.
Actually the idea there is to store the excess fish catches of summer in a coating of *ASH* so that the sodium in the fish is replaced by potassium in the ash. That way, the fish will not rot or ferment !! The fish is usually stored buried in the ground. Around the turn of winter, the stored fish is dug up and eaten for the rest of winter and into spring.
This process is also used in production of the Chinese "century eggs" !! However, this process aids in the conversion of sulphur compounds in the food to hydrogen sulphide in your tummy and, thus, making you a very unwelcome company in most places !! You may also be classified as WMD and treated accordingly !!
In a bid to cater for those who experience armoire ardour, Marks & Spencer has launched a new range of lingerie models with "modern curves, soft-looking styling and durable hardwood feet". There is as yet only one model, available in fudge.
Absolutely what I was looking for , for a bit of heavy domestic use in the lounge. I think a comfortable position in front of the telly would be good so I don't miss my favourite programs whilst I'm indulging in heavy use.
All of a sudden the Asus Eee lady bores me - from now on The Register should find a way to have this model in as many stories as possible.
E.g. "eBay bans negative feedback from sellers" could be illustrated with this image because, of course, people sell lingerie on eBay. Stories about Apple could be illustrated with this image because women buy laptops. Stories about the National Programme for NHS IT could be illustrated with this image, because she looks a bit like a nurse.
A story about taser guns, or electrical weapons, would benefit from this image because, in my neck of the woods, we call M&S "Marks & Sparks". Royal stories = Spencer = Marks & Spencer. And so forth. That covers most of the bases. Paris Hilton = woman = Marks & Spencers lady. You're creative people - create! And enable!
I'm afraid that's unlikely to fly, Ashley, although we are in talks with Paris Hilton for a similar deal. Watch this space.
Here it comes
I wouldn't mind rummaging in her draws!
Sorry - I'll get my coat.
Never tells you the important stuff. "sits perfectly in the contemporary living room" is all very interesting I'm sure, but does it lie down easily in the bedroom? I wouldn't buy one without knowing this.
Hardwood feet are, I trust, not bloody freezing when she gets into bed.
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