Feeds

Official: Linux buffs lay out more on marital aids than Mac users

NSFW And HPUX users way more randy than Xbox boys

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

Mac owners spend more money on sex toys than Windows users do, but Linux buffs outspend both of them, even though they visit less pages on pervy product producers' websites.

That's the claim of one such, UK dildo deployer Lovehoney, which has published its Google Analystics logs in a shamelessly self-promotional plug.

Or should that be butt-plug?

Despite the anomalous activity of - probably sole - HPUX user grabbing an eyeful of 18 pages per visit, by far the majority of the site's visitors - 98.8 per cent of the visits in a given month - do so on Windows PCs. Mac users come second - clearly they're thoughtful lovers - scoring five per cent. Linux lads are next, accounting for 0.7 per cent of site visits.

So much you could estimate from the operating system market shares, but their pages-per-visit scores show they're all similarly keen on marital aids: 9.61 pages per visit for Windows, 8.36 for Mac and 7.76 for Linux.

I mentioned HPUX, but Sun OS, FreeBSD and a generic 'Unix' all form tiny percentages of the site's visitors but peek at a substantial number of pages when they do. There's rarely a dull moment in the UK's server farms, but when there is, those big-iron monkeys have plenty of time to ponder the purchase of a Thai Bead or two.

We all know what a lot of these boys get up to after flicking through Lovehoney's virtual pages - here, if you want to make your own mark on the stats - but which ones take the most time? Step forward, for starters, owners of Symbian smartphones, who spend an average of seven minutes 50 seconds on the site. I'll discount the HPUX user who left his browser open for 58 minutes 13 seconds while called to other... ahem... business. Poor lad probably had to go and debug a sub-routine and got a little tied up.

There's an unknown-OS operative who took ten minutes 37 seconds, but that's probably an anomaly, like the HPUX entry. Which brings us back to the supreme source of devices designed to be used one-handed: Symbian.

Mac users spent an average of five minutes 56 seconds on the site, just ahead of Linux users' five minutes 16 seconds and Windows folks' five minutes 14 seconds.

One of the quickest was the FreeBSD crowd, who clicked and were done in one minute 52 seconds.

But how do these figures translate into sales of sexually stimulating stuff? Let's look, if we may, at average spend.

Hello, Linux boys. You lot spend, on average, £48.55 on dildos, lube and edible undies. Of the named operating systems, the Mac brigade comes next with £40.38, followed by Windows users, who spend on average £35.90.

Interestingly, iPhone owners form a category of their own, but having coughed up so much for their shiny handsets and carrier tariffs, they can only manage to spend an average of £34.59 on Lovehoney's offerings. PSP owners contribute £32.93, Wii fans £32.25 and iPod Toucher-uppers £31.76.

The Symbian fellows dish out £30.96 on dildos, PS3ers £26.44 and - yes, there he is - our solitary HPUX friend coughed up £16.44.

Xbox 360 owners don't appear in Lovehoney's list, so either they're all a very chaste crowd or they have other outlets for their passion...

the hardware widow
The Hardware Widow is hitched to a young, hardware geek - the
Tech Obsessed Youth - who thinks he knows more about technology than she does...

More Hardware Widow
Sony goes green with... er... leopard skin look laptop
Better plate than never: sign up now for the gold iPhone
Sony Ericsson waxes lyrical over 'nature-inspired' handset
Motorola teases Hong Kong girls with gilt-y pleasures
Russians ready Tsar-studded Nokia 8800

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Reg man looks through a Glass, darkly: Google's toy ploy or killer tech specs?
Tip: Put the shades on and you'll look less of a spanner
So, Apple won't sell cheap kit? Prepare the iOS garden wall WRECKING BALL
It can throw the low cost race if it looks to the cloud
Apple promises to lift Curse of the Drained iPhone 5 Battery
Have you tried turning it off and...? Never mind, here's a replacement
Now that's FIRE WIRE: HP recalls 6 MILLION burn-risk laptop cables
Right in the middle of Burning Mains Man week
One step closer to ROBOT BUTLERS: Dyson flashes vid of VACUUM SUCKER bot
Latest cleaner available for world+dog in September
Apple's iWatch? They cannae do it ... they don't have the POWER
Analyst predicts fanbois will have to wait until next year
HUGE iPAD? Maybe. HUGE ADVERTS? That's for SURE
Noo! Hand not big enough! Don't look at meee!
Samsung Gear S: Quick, LAUNCH IT – before Apple straps on iWatch
Full specs for wrist-mounted device here ... but who'll buy it?
AMD unveils 'single purpose' graphics card for PC gamers and NO ONE else
Chip maker claims the Radeon R9 285 is 'best in its class'
prev story

Whitepapers

Best practices for enterprise data
Discussing how technology providers have innovated in order to solve new challenges, creating a new framework for enterprise data.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Advanced data protection for your virtualized environments
Find a natural fit for optimizing protection for the often resource-constrained data protection process found in virtual environments.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?