Feeds

The internet's up sh*t creek, but at least we have aliens

No 'dwarven underlords' jokes, please

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

The title of the next Bond film - the second starring Daniel Craig - will be Quantum of Solace. The name was announced to a resounding chorus of "What the hell does that mean?" You had some ideas:

Sounds like a cross between a Harry Potter book and an Open University course module.

At least John Cleese will probably be wearing a lab coat.

Andy Taylor


Fantastic! Or possibly maybe not that fantastic - Quantum of Solace is up amongst my favourite short stories of the series, and I'll be interested to see how the Americans screw it up.

Anonymous Coward


quan·tum n.

1. A quantity or amount.

sol·ace n.

1. Comfort in sorrow, misfortune, or distress; consolation.

surely that's a good title as it sums up Bond's need to recovering from the whole falling for and being betrayed by Vesper

knowing Bond, the form of this consolation will be in the form of hot birds, fast cars, cool gadgets and lots of explosions and heaps of dead bad guys

jai


How the hell are they going to fit that into the opening credits song?

*waahhnnyyahnaahh* He's got a quantum of solace *wahhhnyyaaahnaahhh* And a googleplex of sanctimony *wwwaaahhhnyyaaahhhnaaah* He'll aspirate your apathy *wwwaaahhhnyyyaannaaah* With anaerobic dialysis *waaahhnnyyyaaanaahhh*

Spleen

Nice. Getting rhymes is a bit tricky though.

He needs the quantum of solace
His name sure isn't Wallace
And if you don't watch out
He'll put you on a trellis

Which one of you bastards nicked my coat? It's the one with six different rip cords.


Question of Sport. That's what QoS stands for. Maybe Sue Barker can be M this time.

Anonymous Coward


Swedish police investigating a series of thefts of valuables from coach cargo holds are questioning "people of limited stature" (as opposed to people of unlimited stature, such as Stretch Armstrong). Their suspicion is that dwarven folk are being smuggled aboard in bags and riffling through passengers' baggage. These pint-sized perps may think they're high and mighty, but sooner or later they'll be brought up short by the long arm of the law.

Nothing wrong with a little crime. They should get inch high private eye on the job. I can see the film now "zero vert crime"

Paul Darcy


I was going to suggest evacuating the cargo hold or flooding with CO, but flooding it with nitrous oxide would be funnier all round.

Steve


Nothing new under the sun - Dickens documented the use of children in crime in the 19th century (Oliver Twist, for example)! And I daresay it had been around for a while then.

Paul Cooper


Hire British baggage handlers..the little bastards will be too injured to do anything!

Sam


Perhaps the police have already drawn up a shortlist of gnome suspects.

</coat>

David Heys


Police announced this morning that notorious crimelord Snow White has been taken into custody. Ms White of Dwarf Cottage is known to be the leader of a seven strong gang of miscreants.

Ms White accused her step mother of trying to poison her four years ago, however the case was dropped due to a lack of evidence. It has been speculated that the resulting frustration may have been the motivating factor in her subsequent crimes.

One-armed Freddy


I can hear their normal-sized accomplices accepting at the Crime Awards now.

"I'd like to thank the little people..."

David Wiernicki

As would I. They've helped me bash together another comments feature. Thank you, thank you...

Back next week. ®

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.