Feeds

You're gullible Finns... bitch

Nokia woos Facebook - report

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Nokia is in talks to acquire a stake in Facebook, according to Mobile Content News. The website reports that the two companies are mulling a development agreement which involves "porting the social network on to Nokia handsets in a major way".

(We wonder what porting it "in a minor way" might mean - perhaps you only see pokes or vampire bites, but no messages or photos?)

Neither Nokia nor Facebook would confirm the report.

The news won't surprise Nokia watchers. After a decade of being beaten up by financial analysts - while consistently proving them wrong - Nokia now finds itself paralyzed by a lack of confidence. This has left it easy pickings for any marketing consultant who can throw the word "EMERGENT" onto a PowerPoint™ presentation.

As a consequence, the bewildered Finns don't know what's hit them. For an example of this, have a look at this presentation from (porn-obsessed) VP of advertising agency Ogilvy, Rory Sutherland [PDF, 2.3MB].

Rory Sutherland, VP of Ogilvy Group

(Imagine Ronnie Barker squeezed into Ronnie Corbett's tank top - talking nonstop Web 2.0 bollocks for an hour, in the way that only an advertising executive with an open-ended budget can.)

Nokia's UK MD Simon Ainslie recently confirmed that Nokia wants to be a Web 2.0 company.

But at what price?

Although a Facebook/Nokia deal looks good for both parties, Nokia needs to remember its core market strengths. Ominously, however, the phone giant is so bamboozled by the greedy webtards that it looks set to be taken to the cleaners again. According to Moconews:

"The deal involves giving Facebook a major slot within Nokia retail products' displays."

Picture yourself at the negotiating table. In such deals, it's traditional for the service provider to pay the gatekeeper for access to the users - not the other way around. Remember that Facebook has no mobile experience, and can offer no evidence that Facebook is anything other than a sitdown, PC-based leisure activity. Nokia has close to a billion users, while Facebook has just 50m regulars. In other words, Facebook should be paying Nokia for prominent placement on its handsets - and not the other way around.

If Nokia thinks it needs to throw shareholders' money down the drain for an inflated equity stake in Facebook, rather than seeing it as a revenue stream, then the Nokia executives really are where Mark "I'm CEO... bitch" Zuckerberg wants them.

Call it Nokia's "itsemurha" strategy. ®

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
Download alert: Nearly ALL top 100 Android, iOS paid apps hacked
Attack of the Clones? Yeah, but much, much scarier – report
Broadband sellers in the UK are UP TO no good, says Which?
Speedy network claims only apply to 10% of customers
Virgin Media struck dumb by NATIONWIDE packet loss balls-up
Turning it off and on again fixes glitch 12 HOURS LATER
Yahoo! blames! MONSTER! email! OUTAGE! on! CUT! CABLE! bungle!
Weekend woe for BT as telco struggles to restore service
Fujitsu CTO: We'll be 3D-printing tech execs in 15 years
Fleshy techie disses network neutrality, helmet-less motorcyclists
Facebook, working on Facebook at Work, works on Facebook. At Work
You don't want your cat or drunk pics at the office
Soz, web devs: Google snatches its Wallet off the table
Killing off web service in 3 months... but app-happy bonkers are fine
prev story

Whitepapers

Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
10 threats to successful enterprise endpoint backup
10 threats to a successful backup including issues with BYOD, slow backups and ineffective security.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Protecting users from Firesheep and other Sidejacking attacks with SSL
Discussing the vulnerabilities inherent in Wi-Fi networks, and how using TLS/SSL for your entire site will assure security.