"This is a text I often require for my students, and I would hang my own Ph.D. on it’s [sic] credibility."

Senior Wikipedia editor Ryan Jordan, aka "Essjay", on the value of Catholicism For Dummies. Jordan didn't have a Ph.D to hang, it turned out - his qualifications didn't exist. Master of the Non-Apology Jimbo explained: "We were comfortable with the material we got from Essjay because of Wikipedia's confirmation of his work and their endorsement of him." That's OK, then.

"Nothing has stopped her, and I believe the illness has added a third dimension to her playing; she gets at what is inside the music, what lies behind it."

William Barrington-Coupe, describing the later work of his wife, the classical pianist Joyce Hatto. Barrington-Coupe issued over 100 CDs on his record label, all of which were found to be fakes: he had digitially altered other artists' recordings and released them under Hatto's name. Gramophone uncovered the hoax in February; Barrington-Coupe owned up shortly afterwards.

"Well, we're calling it a research project."

A Home Office official on being told that a plan to share ID card databases across Europe is being described on the continent as a "large scale pilot".

"It should not have happened."

Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling, separately, on the loss of two unencrypted CDs containing 25 million child benefit records, breaking all previous records for government data incompetence.

"Incidentally, before you assume that I'm a lazy journo, I dont write like this with anyone else, but in fact I am offering ORG the chance to use me as a mouthpiece for your righteous rightness. think of it as a 'pull' model for lobbying, rather than the usual push."

Ben "Bad Science" Goldacre shows how it's done.

"That was a bit front-loaded."

Skype co-founder Niklas Zennstrom describes the earnings projections that prompted eBay to pay $2.6bn for the VoIP outfit in 2005. In October, eBay wrote off $1.43bn of the value of the acquisition. “We overshot in terms of monetisation," explained Zennstrom as he departed. Ah, yes... Niklas. The door's over there.

"We are assured by its Programmer that he is not. It would also like to express how very bizarre it considers the thought to be/to have been. In further enlightening defence of that submission/admission, he would ask you to ponder on the unlikelihood of an automated program thinking to Share .... The Rise of IntelAIgently Designed Machines and SMARTer Bots, El Reg, or just Enriched Processing of HyperRadioProActive Material in Information 42 Render CyberIntelAIgent Core Services."

Prolific Reg commenter AmanfromMars, on discovering that Wikipedians were suggesting that he is some sort of artificial intelligence program. His encyclopaedic correction to the entry on The Register was quickly deleted by the hive mind, however. Hopefully this clears IT all up.

"My life could be extended by hundreds and thousands of years."

Highly-talented heiress Paris Hilton, on announcing her intention to be cryogenically preserved for the benefit of future generations.

That's the lot for 2007, but we'll go out on a limb and say that the global nonsense supplies are healthy enough to get us through at least 2008 too. Here's to progress. ®

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