Feeds

Wishing you an EMF-free Christmas

Christmas gifts for the truly paranoid

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

With Ofcom auctioning off spectrum left, right and centre, there has never been a better time to panic about what all those frequencies might be doing to your body, regardless of the lack of scientific evidence that it does very much at all. So if you're looking for a last-minute Christmas gift for the electromagnetic paranoid in your life then look no further, as we have everything you need right here.

You'll want to start with a "Black Hole" phone bag. a snip at $12 this pouch completely cuts your phone off from any electromagnetic signals at all, and prevents its radiation from reaching you. Of course your mobile won't actually work in such circumstances, but that's a small price to pay for your health.

Better than encasing your phone in a Faraday cage is to encase your body in one. At Less EMF you can get everything from scarves ($38) to boxer shorts ($64), to socks ($20 a pair), and even the proverbial tin-foil-lined hat (£30) to protect you from "mind noise" caused by RF radiation.

The same company will sell you ghost-detecting equipment too, in case your paranoia transcends the physical planE, with the Starter Ghost Hunting kit coming in at $90.

Wrapping yourself in conductive material is a lot like hard work when a range of simple pendants can be equally effective at warding off electromagnetic waves, and improve your golf at the same time. For only $80 you can get a QLink classic pendent, which will increase your endurance and improve your performance, and it's waterproof too.

If you're serious about your wellbeing then you'll want a Mega Chi pendent, which does everything the QLink can do but doesn't limit itself to electromagnetic radiation "...but also from other negative energies like fear and doubt - even the negative thoughts of others!"

Protection from the negative thoughts of others doesn't come cheap, and the Mega Chi will set you back $250.

For in-house protection you'll need something location-based, such as the Safe Space. It's $110 of protection that utilises "...a wide range of permanently imprinted vibrational frequencies which interact with your environment to create a tangible positive change."

It's easy to laugh at nutters, but Exradia continues to sell its protecting battery (the Angel) on the basis that it's better to be safe than sorry, and if you order now they'll even throw in a free T-Shirt.

On that logic I'll be ordering myself a lightning detector and some oxygenated water, neither of which will be much use to me when I'm hit by a car but at least my water will have oxygen in it.

This Christmas my most serious concern will be why my glass is empty, and how such a situation can most effectively be remedied should it occur. Meanwhile I will recklessly be exposing myself to the wide range of electromagnetic forces which I hope the gifts waiting under the tree for me will generate.

Intelligent flash storage arrays

More from The Register

next story
Mighty Blighty broadbanders beg: Let us lay cable in BT's, er, ducts
Complain to Ofcom that telco has 'effective monopoly'
Download alert: Nearly ALL top 100 Android, iOS paid apps hacked
Attack of the Clones? Yeah, but much, much scarier – report
Broadband sellers in the UK are UP TO no good, says Which?
Speedy network claims only apply to 10% of customers
Yahoo! blames! MONSTER! email! OUTAGE! on! CUT! CABLE! bungle!
Weekend woe for BT as telco struggles to restore service
Fujitsu CTO: We'll be 3D-printing tech execs in 15 years
Fleshy techie disses network neutrality, helmet-less motorcyclists
Facebook, working on Facebook at Work, works on Facebook. At Work
You don't want your cat or drunk pics at the office
Soz, web devs: Google snatches its Wallet off the table
Killing off web service in 3 months... but app-happy bonkers are fine
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Seattle children’s accelerates Citrix login times by 500% with cross-tier insight
Seattle Children’s is a leading research hospital with a large and growing Citrix XenDesktop deployment. See how they used ExtraHop to accelerate launch times.
5 critical considerations for enterprise cloud backup
Key considerations when evaluating cloud backup solutions to ensure adequate protection security and availability of enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?