Feeds

Knickerless celebutards: the secure data centre connection

Discarded panties threaten national security

The Power of One Brief: Top reasons to choose HP BladeSystem

The champagne corks are popping this morning down at Vulture Central because, after years of trying, we've finally found a rock-solid link between IT and knickerless celebutards:

View of data centre showing pair of knickers on floor

For the record, the panties in question were spotted by a reader in a well-known London data centre. Our man says that the premises are protected by swipe cards, voice recognition, palm scanners, ex-special forces operatives armed with Tasers, Japanese-built killbots, three electified razor-wire fences, and a miniature helicopter gunship packing intruder-frying microwave weaponry.

Accordingly, we must ask: how did either Britney, Lindsay, or Paris gain entry to this most secure of facilities; what level of threat did the penetration pose to national security; and why has the CCTV footage not yet appeared on the YouTube celebrity upskirt channel?

We have, of course, made our dossier available to the relevant authorities and selected lingerie fetish websites. ®

The smart choice: opportunity from uncertainty

More from The Register

next story
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Securing Web Applications Made Simple and Scalable
Learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.