Feeds

Steve McClaren secures 2007 Foot in Mouth award

The only trophy he's ever likely to lift

High performance access to file storage

Lenny Henry will tonight present the Plain English Campaign's 28th annual awards (pdf) for obfuscation or clarity in our beloved mother tongue.

Former England "coach" Steve McClaren has deservedly secured this year's "Foot in Mouth" trophy for the following insightful analysis of Wayne Rooney: "He is inexperienced, but he's experienced in terms of what he's been through."

McClaren joins Naomi Campbell in the WTF? hall of fame, and regular readers will recall the battling Streatham clotheshorse was last year honoured for the magnificent: "I love England, especially the food. There's nothing I like more than a lovely bowl of pasta."

The Plain English Campaign will also hand out gongs to its "Golden Bull" laureates, who administered English a solid linguistic shoeing this year with the following breathtaking examples of utter nonsense:

Virgin Trains (response to Web User magazine about problems booking online)

Moving forwards, we as Virgin Trains are looking to take ownership of the flow in question to apply our pricing structure, thus resulting in this journey search appearing in the new category-matrix format. The pricing of this particular flow is an issue going back to 1996 and it is not something that we can change until 2008 at the earliest. I hope this makes the situation clear.

UKTV – Dave (Extract from a press release about the launch of same)

With a brief to establish Dave as the home of witty banter and as a refuge from the everyday, the award-winning Red Bee’s innovative and original creative juxtaposes traditional weekend retreat imagery with contemporary talent from the channel’s key content in a humorous and irreverent way to represent the channel’s key brand values.

BAA (Sign in Gatwick Airport)

Passenger shoe repatriation area only

Fastway Couriers (T&Cs on their website)

The Carrier shall not be liable for injury or damage to or destruction or loss of the Goods or any other property arising out of or incidental to or in connection with or occurring during the provision of the Services or for the mis-delivery or nondelivery of the Goods and whether or not caused or contributed to by the default (including negligence) of the Carrier or any agent, servant or officer of the Carrier or any other person entitled to the benefit of these conditions.

Nestlé (Project news report)

"Green Sauces” are an important product group for Buitoni Pesto Basilico. Their quality and flavour profile are enhanced by the basil used in production. However, Buitoni faced sensory profile reproducibility problems due to heterogeneous raw material, challenging the production of uniform quality.

Translink (NI Railways - Sign at Coleraine railway station)

Every Autumn a combination of leaves on the line, atmospheric conditions and prevailing damp conditions lead to a low adhesion between the rail head and the wheel which causes services to be delayed or even cancelled. NI Railways are committed to minimising service delays, where we can, by implementing a comprehensive low adhesion action programme.

Warwickshire Children, Young People and Families Division (from the minutes of the same)

Geoff flagged up that changes will be made to the ways in which the partnerships are assessed this year. The APA will assess all partnership arrangements affecting children, young people and families. In the past the APA was not as important as the JAR but this will be reversed. The JAR is no longer being scored: the scores for the CPA will be the APA score so the score we are given as a result of the APA this year will count to the JAR next year so we need to ensure the best possible APA.

This year’s APA will focus on a review of our CYPP. All current forms of assessment will disappear in 2009 when the CAA (Comprehensive Area Assessment) will be introduced.


In case you're wondering, the Plain English Campaign did manage to find a few examples of bull-free lingo - The Sun, the Beeb's Panorama and Radio 5 Live's Midday News will each receive a round of applause for their straight talking. ®

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Forget the beach 'n' boardwalk, check out the Santa Cruz STEVE JOBS FOUNTAIN
Reg reader snaps shot of touching tribute to Apple icon
Happy 40th Playmobil: Reg looks back at small, rude world of our favourite tiny toys
Little men straddle LOHAN, attend tiny G20 Summit... ah, sweet memories...
Oz bank in comedy Heartbleed blog FAIL
Bank: 'We are now safely patched.' Customers: 'You were using OpenSSL?'
Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest
New minifigs like Monster Fighters are turning kids to the dark side
Dark SITH LORD 'Darth Vader' joins battle to rule, er, Ukraine
Only I can 'make an empire out of a republic' intones presidential candidate
Chinese company counters pollution by importing fresh air
Citizens line up for bags of that sweet, sweet mountain air
Google asks April Fools: Want a job? Be our 'Pokemon Master'
Mountain View is prankin' like it's 1999...
prev story

Whitepapers

Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
HP ArcSight ESM solution helps Finansbank
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.