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Comments on: MoD: Frontline troops must have silent Xmas crackers

Spontaneous Combustion not addressed? 

Posted Monday 10th December 2007 12:10 GMT

Boffin

There are historically a number of documented cases of human beings bursting into flames... an event referred to as "spontaneous combustion". Whilst I recognise that this is not "quite" the same as "exploding" do we not now have reason to ban all humans from internal and international flights?

What a shame. 

Posted Monday 10th December 2007 12:13 GMT

I was hoping that they had done the normal "defusing" thing to them. I.e. put the "explosive" in a safe place, attache an even bigger explosive to it, light the blue touch paper and stand well back. That would have been far more fun :-)

Going 'bang' 

Posted Monday 10th December 2007 12:17 GMT

Boffin

I suggest they fire a gun into the air at the same time as pulling the cracker. Same effect, and according to the RAF, safer all round.

P.S. Your 'Remember me on this computer' still doesn't work.

Grenades? 

Posted Monday 10th December 2007 12:23 GMT

Classify them as short-fuse grenades and they should be fine.

"An explosive device designed to create a small, localised detonation immediately upon activation."

They'll ship them in by the thousands!

@Ian Ferguson - Going 'Bang' 

Posted Monday 10th December 2007 13:29 GMT

Joke

You could use a paper bag to save the MoD money? Rather than firing the gun? For extra comic effect you could do this whilst a colleague is clearing a mine-field.

@Ash 

Posted Monday 10th December 2007 13:36 GMT

Happy

I've just had an image of a couple of Jihadis in a heated argument about why their home-grown RPG (firework rocket, Christmas cracker and tape) has failed to blow a Land Rover to pieces.

Thanks for the surreal moment.

Kabooom 

Posted Monday 10th December 2007 13:36 GMT

Flame

See why waste 300 squillion pound on a surface to surface missile? All we need to do is throw a few brightly coloured paper cylinders at the buggers. Then if the explosive fails to kill them, the sounds of laughter and bright hats will give their positions away, making it easy to target them with more advanced weapons, such as the fearsom cap gun or the brutal party popper!

ooh err missus 

Posted Monday 10th December 2007 14:14 GMT

Pirate

"The troops will just have to go 'bang' themselves when they pull them," said Ian Dalzel-Job of the Scots Guards Association

Brilliant. I stopped reading at that point and thus have no interest in this story in case it doesn't turn out the way I assume it does.

I thought it was just the sailors that were into all that saucy stuff? I can see I've been grossly mis-informed over the years.

This is probably a move to ward off embarassing injuries.... 

Posted Monday 10th December 2007 15:46 GMT

Happy

A few years back I was at a foreign army display along with a member of the BAT team who had been in-country instructing. Everything went fine until the twenty-one-gun salute went off nearbye, and our suave pongo promptly ducked in reflex, giving himself a nasty cut on the head when it came in contact with the back of the seat in front. This was all the more amusing given that he was the only one there to duck! Obviously, the MoD fears Christmas crackers could spawn a serious shortage of frontline troops if the same training has been applied....

Uncontrolled evacuation 

Posted Monday 10th December 2007 20:38 GMT

Troop-Visiting politicians are probably jumpy enough in these places. Can you imagine a 'bang strip' being stuck to the underside of a toilet seat with duct tape? It's not worth the fallout.

No doubt the troops have plenty of practice at shouting "Bang!" 

Posted Tuesday 11th December 2007 07:57 GMT

Coat

what with it being a standard training method, and about the only way to get a noise when you pull the trigger of an SA80...

WW2 all over again? 

Posted Tuesday 11th December 2007 08:38 GMT

Black Helicopters

Does this tie in with Radiobonce's proposed WW2 austerity measures? ISTR Spike Milligan saying that in the opening overs of WW2, the Royal Artillery had to shout "BANG" in unison when training, due to a shortage of ammunition.

But... but... but.... 

Posted Tuesday 11th December 2007 10:57 GMT

Paris Hilton

No, thats just silly.

How things have changed 

Posted Tuesday 11th December 2007 12:38 GMT

IT Angle

Surely during the 1940s the RAF were the carrier of choice and among the leading importers of explosives into Germany.

Must be a health and safety thing.

I suppose thats what happens when people called Rupert with his handlebar mustash, leather flying helmet, and windswept wooly scarf who flies a spitfire made from paper mache, balsa wood, cow glue and canvas is replaced with people called Norman who wears a hi-vis jacket, and hard hat, carries a clip board and flies a desk.

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