Feeds

Beer makes people have sex with you

US trick-cyclists in shock booze-nookie linkage

Build a business case: developing custom apps

American trick-cyclists have stunned the world with the revelation that young people who drink a lot tend to get more sex.

Academics at the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis revealed their shock findings yesterday after extensive research. It seems that the shrinks were easily able to demonstrate a connection between heavy drinking (according to their definition of heavy drinking) and unhealthily large amounts of nookie (according to their hastily-revised personal definition thereof).

"To my knowledge, most research in young adults has used a standard of 'up to six' sex partners when examining risk," said Patricia Cavazos-Rehg, PhD.

"But the average number of partners for the people in this study was 9.26."

Hastily making the unilateral decision that ten or more partners now constitutes "high risk", the psych doc and her envious crew ploughed on. Sadly, the po-faced psychs seemed unaware of the feelgood implications of their research, seeking to imply that anyone scoring above one or two was some kind of diseased orgiastic slut.

"The more sex partners you have, the more likely you'll encounter someone with an STD," said Cavazos-Rehg, further burnishing her already dazzling credentials in the bleeding-obvious area of human knowledge.

"Chances also increase for unintended pregnancies and other health complications," she added, thus - to her own satisfaction - proving that a "high" number of sexual partners is a bad thing. (You just knew this study wasn't going to say anything like "Hey, well done young people! You're getting more action than I ever did! Props!")

Apparently the researchers conducted "personal" interviews with 601 youngsters aged 18-25. To give the research the necessary doleful slant, all 601 were chosen from among relatives of known alcoholics.

They concluded that "alcohol-dependent individuals... are at risk for increased number of sexual partners (ten or more)." ("At risk"?)

This research does seem to tell us one thing with certainty. If you're a grad student on the psych faculty at Washington University, you don't admit to having had more than five sexual partners. In fact, this kind of "research" seems to fall more under the heading of "subjective morality" or even "jealousy" than anything else.

Also, based on their notion of what constitutes a "high" number of sexual partners, we're guessing that the Washington U crowd will file you under 'alcohol-dependent' as soon as you order your second half of mild.

Meanwhile, for all the normal people, you heard it here first: drinking will get you laid.

The release is here and the abstract is here. ®

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Just TWO climate committee MPs contradict IPCC: The two with SCIENCE degrees
'Greenhouse effect is real, but as for the rest of it ...'
Asteroid's DINO KILLING SPREE just bad luck – boffins
Sauricide WASN'T inevitable, reckon scientists
Brit amateur payload set to complete full circle around PLANET EARTH
Ultralight solar radio tracker in glorious 25,000km almost-space odyssey
Boffins spot weirder quantum capers as neutrons take the high road, spin takes the low
Cheshire cat effect see neutrons and their properties walk different paths
NASA Mars rover FINALLY equals 1973 Soviet benchmark
Yet to surpass ancient Greek one, however
Famous 'Dish' radio telescope to be emptied in budget crisis: CSIRO
Radio astronomy suffering to protect Square Kilometre Array
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.
Maximize storage efficiency across the enterprise
The HP StoreOnce backup solution offers highly flexible, centrally managed, and highly efficient data protection for any enterprise.