Feeds

Paris and Britney top US kids' Santa naughty list

No prezzies for you, you drunken knickerless strumpets

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

US kids have delightfully voted exceptionally-talented heiress Paris Hilton, along with wobbly popstress Britney "Oops I forgot my knickers again" Spears, as heading Santa's Xmas "naughty list", thereby ensuring that neither of them will receive much-needed underwear or self-administered breath-test kits in their Christmas stockings.

An online survey of 1,107 children by E-Poll Market Research fingered Britney as Saint Nick's top naughty lass, with Hilton a close second. Lindsay "Out in 84 Minutes" Lohan came third, while baaaad girl Beyonce could only manage a disappointing fourth spot.

Disney star Hannah Montana, on the other hand, secured "nicest" celeb with nippers between 2 and 12, while Angelina "I ♥ Namibia" Jolie proved overwhelmingly too lovely for teens aged 13 to 17.

Regarding just how to impress Santa into discharging his sack in your bedroom, the young 'uns reckoned "cleaning up and doing chores", "sharing" and "being honest and polite" would tickle his fancy, according to Reuters. The absolute no-nos were "not listening to parents", "being mean and bullying" and "being snobby".

Bless. Those of you with kids will doubtless be shedding a small tear at this point at these youngsters' wide-eyed innocence. Those of us of more advanced years, however, know there are far more serious misdemeanours which will incur Santa's displeasure. Here's El Reg's list, and readers are invited to submit their own litanies:

  1. Calling a teddy bear "Mohammed"
  2. Gunning down your High School
  3. Jailing an entire courtroom because of a ringing mobile phone
  4. Tasering defenceless people to death
  5. Carelessly mislaying disc-borne details on 25m UK citizens
  6. Failing to qualify for Euro 2008
  7. Starting a land war in Asia (no link - you know where we're coming from)
  8. Naming your daughter "Princess Tiaamii"
  9. Having sex with a bicycle
  10. Using the word "mobe" without written permission from the Vulture Central Lexicographical Soviet

Ok, over to you... ®

Bootnote

No complaining about the Paris Hilton angle this time, eh, you utter, utter bastards.

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
Facebook pays INFINITELY MORE UK corp tax than in 2012
Thanks for the £3k, Zuck. Doh! you're IN CREDIT. Guess not
Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!
No biological clockwatching when you work in Silicon Valley
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Sysadmin with EBOLA? Gartner's issued advice to debug your biz
Start hoarding cleaning supplies, analyst firm says, and assume your team will scatter
YARR! Pirates walk the plank: DMCA magnets sink in Google results
Spaffing copyrighted stuff over the web? No search ranking for you
Don't bother telling people if you lose their data, say Euro bods
You read that right – with the proviso that it's encrypted
Apple SILENCES Bose, YANKS headphones from stores
The, er, Beats go on after noise-cancelling spat
prev story

Whitepapers

Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.