Feeds

Programming with Marigold gloves on

Martha Stewart clicks your button

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

Is Ruby the way forward?

Ruby is absolutely right for making some lightweight classes or a small website for bright breast-fed kids to put on their heads on the way to school.

Uh huh. I'll take that as a 'no'. How about Java, then?

It is an excellent language for the application of design patterns, provided the design pattern is Burberry.

Eh?

We feel that Chava, sorry, Java is a splendid language for the financial sector, and for everybody else who habitually talks with his mouth full. Personally we'd rather be caught shoplifting Smarties from the pick 'n' mix counter in Woolworths than use it. We'd sooner set up in business selling teddy bears stolen from the shrines at road accident sites, we'd rather-

Yes, yes, all right. Calm down. So what programming language does get the yellow-rubbered-thumbs up?

At the Stewart Institute, we have a lot of time for Haskell.

Well I didn't see that one coming, I must admit. I wouldn't have thought Haskell's notorious laziness would mesh with Martha's world view. Is it the challenge of ironing those hanging indents properly?

Don't be facetious. No, our enthusiasm is inspired by Simon Peyton-Jones's videos. Such a nice man. 'SLPJ' is the Michael Palin of the functional programming world.

Simon's infectious enthusiasm for his subject is a lesson to us all. I'd go as far as to say that his lectures are as useful to seamstresses as they are to the average working programmer.

I think I begin to understand. Is Prof Jones married?

To a C of E priest, for heaven's sake. Still, it could never have worked. Apart from anything else, he works for Microsoft.

Fair enough. Verity, I have a bus to catch; just one more question that I know we have all been dieing to ask since Martha's name was first mentioned.

Right ho, fire away.

What's it really like in jail?

Snake! ®


Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
Microsoft on the Threshold of a new name for Windows next week
Rebranded OS reportedly set to be flung open by Redmond
Business is back, baby! Hasta la VISTA, Win 8... Oh, yeah, Windows 9
Forget touchscreen millennials, Microsoft goes for mouse crowd
SMASH the Bash bug! Apple and Red Hat scramble for patch batches
'Applying multiple security updates is extremely difficult'
Apple: SO sorry for the iOS 8.0.1 UPDATE BUNGLE HORROR
Apple kills 'upgrade'. Hey, Microsoft. You sure you want to be like these guys?
ARM gives Internet of Things a piece of its mind – the Cortex-M7
32-bit core packs some DSP for VIP IoT CPU LOL
Lotus Notes inventor Ozzie invents app to talk to people on your phone
Imagine that. Startup floats with voice collab app for Win iPhone
'Google is NOT the gatekeeper to the web, as some claim'
Plus: 'Pretty sure iOS 8.0.2 will just turn the iPhone into a fax machine'
prev story

Whitepapers

A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.