Feeds

Programming with Marigold gloves on

Martha Stewart clicks your button

Security for virtualized datacentres

Is Ruby the way forward?

Ruby is absolutely right for making some lightweight classes or a small website for bright breast-fed kids to put on their heads on the way to school.

Uh huh. I'll take that as a 'no'. How about Java, then?

It is an excellent language for the application of design patterns, provided the design pattern is Burberry.

Eh?

We feel that Chava, sorry, Java is a splendid language for the financial sector, and for everybody else who habitually talks with his mouth full. Personally we'd rather be caught shoplifting Smarties from the pick 'n' mix counter in Woolworths than use it. We'd sooner set up in business selling teddy bears stolen from the shrines at road accident sites, we'd rather-

Yes, yes, all right. Calm down. So what programming language does get the yellow-rubbered-thumbs up?

At the Stewart Institute, we have a lot of time for Haskell.

Well I didn't see that one coming, I must admit. I wouldn't have thought Haskell's notorious laziness would mesh with Martha's world view. Is it the challenge of ironing those hanging indents properly?

Don't be facetious. No, our enthusiasm is inspired by Simon Peyton-Jones's videos. Such a nice man. 'SLPJ' is the Michael Palin of the functional programming world.

Simon's infectious enthusiasm for his subject is a lesson to us all. I'd go as far as to say that his lectures are as useful to seamstresses as they are to the average working programmer.

I think I begin to understand. Is Prof Jones married?

To a C of E priest, for heaven's sake. Still, it could never have worked. Apart from anything else, he works for Microsoft.

Fair enough. Verity, I have a bus to catch; just one more question that I know we have all been dieing to ask since Martha's name was first mentioned.

Right ho, fire away.

What's it really like in jail?

Snake! ®


Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
Preview redux: Microsoft ships new Windows 10 build with 7,000 changes
Latest bleeding-edge bits borrow Action Center from Windows Phone
Google opens Inbox – email for people too thick to handle email
Print this article out and give it to someone tech-y if you get stuck
Microsoft promises Windows 10 will mean two-factor auth for all
Sneak peek at security features Redmond's baking into new OS
UNIX greybeards threaten Debian fork over systemd plan
'Veteran Unix Admins' fear desktop emphasis is betraying open source
Entity Framework goes 'code first' as Microsoft pulls visual design tool
Visual Studio database diagramming's out the window
Google+ goes TITSUP. But WHO knew? How long? Anyone ... Hello ...
Wobbly Gmail, Contacts, Calendar on the other hand ...
DEATH by PowerPoint: Microsoft warns of 0-day attack hidden in slides
Might put out patch in update, might chuck it out sooner
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.