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Don't give booze to elephants, sobs Paris Hilton

Conservationists hail heiress's heartfelt appeal

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Conservationists have welcomed Paris Hilton's apparent concern for elephants who, tanked up on rice beer, rampage around the Indian countryside with sometimes tragic results.

During the highly-talented heiress's trip last week to Tokyo, she highlighted the pachyderm piss-up problem which recently accounted for six animals in the state of Meghalaya.

To recap, 40 elephants helped themselves to locals' hooch, then attacked an electricity pole, with predictable results.

According to the Guardian, Hilton said: "There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn't chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad."

She then allegedly, and we can't help feeling immortally, added: "The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them."

We'll leave it to readers to comment on exactly who should be deprived of alcohol on safety grounds, but we should note that Ms Hilton's comments have genuinely been welcomed by conservationists. Sangeeta Goswami, head of People for Animals, endorsed: "I am indeed happy Hilton has taken note of recent incidents of wild elephants in north-east India going berserk after drinking homemade rice beer and getting killed."

He added: "As part of her global elephant campaign, Hilton should, in fact, think of visiting this region literally infested with elephants."

We have no doubt this invitation will cause Hilton a certain amount of soul-searching, while she considers whether to clear her diary for a Rwandan war orphan mercy dash, or a lightning trip to Meghalaya armed with a really big breathalyser. ®

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Latest Comments

@ Ashley Pomeroy

awe pooooooo. You had to spoil our fun.

Anyway, I am still firmly of the following belief: "NEVER believe ANYTHING until it is OFFICIALLY DENIED"

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Oh

Sadly it seems that this story did not happen:

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/P/PEOPLE_PARIS_HILTON?SITE=TNKNN&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

"GAUHATI, India (AP) -- In a Nov. 13 story, The Associated Press incorrectly reported that Paris Hilton was praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India."

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Solution

The obvious solution to this dreadfully dangerous overindulgence by our pachydermic cousins is to take away their charge cards. They will then be unable to purchase the alcohol that, as the delightful Ms Hilton puts it, "we make available to them".

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