Rwanda Mourns Loss of Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton BORK BORK BORK

sorry- first thing that came to mind

All because she was feeling empty inside

Nuff Said

Sub-head:

Priorities re-assessed, pointlessness re-affirmed

Partier Paris Picks Posers, Chump Changes Charity

Paris Hilton drops everything to leave twinkle in Jap's eye...

Hilton postpones Rwanda for one night in Tokyo.

Paris Hilton does the Tokyo Universe -

Besides being a jailbird

Or are you going to disqualify me because you said that already without knowing it worked..?

Sub title : Satans minions delighted

Also, did anyone else misread a line in the article as the following:

"[PH] was airlifted yesterday into a media thong"

here's a couple

Paris Hilton exposes her values.

Paris Hilton leaves her mark, by pissing on Rwanda

"Thats Hot" she fumed as she asked for a glass of water!

Underwear was nowhere to be seen.

Paris Hilton receives honorary doctorate for services to mankind

No point entering now.

"Paris Hilton deals Rwandan blow - job with japanese babes" wins without a doubt!

"Paris Hilton Ate My Platoon" Says Dog Soldier.

...Sub Comment : "Rwanda breathes sigh of relief at exiting Paris"

I'll get my coat

Paris Dies in Gutter, Pap Sells £1M Corpse Pic.

or Paris chooses Bullet train over bullets

Self explanatory, I hope.

Paris Hilton in African, Japanese Ménage à trois shocker! (No Video)

Japanese scientists clone Paris Hilton every Country on Earth to receive Goodwill Ambassador; )

News in that Paris Hilton's local metro stop is to close for refurbishment is in...

http://www.hilton.co.uk/paris

Paris abandons Rwanda to save Universe

I just loved the line

" the multi-talented heiress was airlifted yesterday into a media thong"

huh? What . . . did I misread it . . . ?

Still gets publicity for being pointless vaccuous media whore.

No Hilton in Kigali

...remains someone I have no interest in reading stories about, least of all on The Register."

And as a subheading you could have "Now in process: Less of the heiress"

Paris Hilton Does Miss Universe

(sub headline) Promises to do Rwanda next week

rarara

Sick Chix Nix Kids

In other news; Dry-Cleaning shares up, Kleenex shares up, Hotel shares down.

Sony to open new camcorder tape plant.

2008 Internet speeds forecast to be slow.

Yeah, too big for a headline but what the heck?

Paris crowns Japanese babes over Rwanda starving

Paris prefers Japanese women to Rwandan

Charity is hard but judging swimwear is harder! explains Paris

Paris is airlifted to Japan escaping Rwanda!

I can leave a bigger mark with Japanese babes than those in Rwanda, so says Paris

Raw fish over dead cow!

Subtitle: Feelings aren't reciprocated, through.

Let's face it, she's probably only there for the rice wine.

'ny

My £0.02 worth

Paris Hilton Wares' Yellow, Dumps Brown

It takes a certain type of person to aim for Rwanda and hit japan!

With the chosen definition of Dliettante of the day being:

"A person who takes up an art, activity merely for amusement, esp. in a desultory or superficial way; dabbler."

Ls and Rs not confused

As above...

And more to the point, who's better educated? My moneys on the Rwandan's.

Paris Hilton Uses Leopard - Can't Play Warcraft

Sex sex sex .... please

Sucks Cocks For Baccy.

No, really. The most important bits are there: The words Paris and Hilton. Everybody will remember the rest of the sentence as XXXXX anyway...

Headline...

Paris Hilton: who cares?

Subheading.

Not her!

Hilton jumps on massive Japanese chopper with sister.

How about Paris Hilton DIE! DIE! DIE!.

Has a subtle hint hidden in it.

Paris Hilton "a far more deserving cause"

"Even I could do that", claims heiress

(Or hoohahs not hutus?)

Heir Lifted to rising Sun

Paris gets Japanese Chopper

Sub:

Paris to Tokyo: Me luv u long time

(sub) Tragic mix-up sends Godzilla to Kigali

Won't someone please think of the, er, models?

Paris leaves a mark on the world. A skidmark.

What more can I say ?

an oldie but a goodie!

elbows

doh

Subhead: Goes to finger Japanese beauty winner.

Abandons Rwandans and nips to Nippon.

If you do this again, PLEASE pick something worth the effort.

sub heading:

paris's words help nanotech

Thank God Shopping is like riding a bicycle, once you learn you never forget!!

Cornflakes Cornflakes Cornflakes Cornflakes Cornflakes Cornflakes Cornflakes Cornflakes Cornflakes Cornflakes Cornflakes.

Subheadline: Seriously, are you that shallow?

...ti tum.

Picks Japan over Rwanda. Tutsi daisy!

Paris Hilton Says-Love You Long Time

Paris wants to "leave her mark", releases NEW sex vid

Paris Hilton sacrifices Rwanda to save beauty pageant

Paris Hilton judges starving Japanese ahead of Rwanda

Paris Hilton torn between Rwanda and shopping

Even hentais need some luv

Maybe the sumo wrestlers can keep her occupied?

didn't see that one in the list ;)

sub heading: 'nuff said

Or is that outright slander?

lovely jubbly

Japan only invited her as they thought she was busy...

- Tokyo is the new Rwanda says Cosmo('s)!

- "err poor people" says Paris

- Japanese horror at bombshell diversion!

Ok Ok I'll stop now.

How about the barry scott line...

Bang! and the bitch is gone.....

Paris Hilton Cures Cancer and Ends Third-World Debt: World + Dog Shocked

Hilton: "I was just like, you know, walking, you know, and it, like, you know, came to me, in like, you know, one big go."

Paris Hilton to miss universe (and Rwanda)

Sub heading : Hilton Imposition Vanishes...

Rwanda left in Africa

Prefers locations similar to personality

Finds dead mime in forest

Paris Hilton celebrates life as world's only surviving personality transplant donor

-or-

Paris Hilton video game now available with free groin attachment

subtitle: Tokyo wannabes celebrate as Rwandan woes deepen.

...quite pleased with that after deliberating on the bog for 10 minutes!!

Paris Hilton SLIP SLAP SLOP

Sub: STI's rise in Japan. Now called 'yeast in the east'.

...is just one of the many pointless topics Lester Haines constantly chooses to demonstrate his utter unsuitability to write for an IT news site."

Yeah, the spelling doesn't quite work, but no techy is going to notice that.

Paris Hilton in Rwandan Pump and Dump Scam

Rwanda in party mode...

Hiltons available in Tokyo, Rwanda must wait. (according to the website anyhow)

If she think's we'll fall for a media stunt like Rawanda

(as alot of celebrities do this without telling the world and don't piss off in the middle of it to celebrate what she's supposed to be doing a u-turn on)

subtitle: Rwandan Charities could not match Tokyo Shopping opportunities

Spots still the same, shoe still fits...

Paris wishes to leave mark on world instead of bedsheets

Heck, it got me to click on it from "across the page." I was disappointed when it wasn't a link to "A night in Paris, part deaux."

*sigh*

... i know.*******

see above

Too many to read through, so apologies if this is already in the suggestions:

Paris Blows Rwandan Orphans to Save The Universe

hee hee

/TAXI ! ! !

Paris Hilton, lingerie and a Japanese Sunset, leads to Rwandans being disappointed. Hilton quoted as saying “I feel empty inside. I wanted to leave a mark on the world.”

Save the Cheerleader as they say :)

Best title ever... relevant to the story, has paris and the usual question relating to stories on her! :)

..in favour of riding Japanese chopper and fingering Miss Universe

Fantasy has better shopping, apparently.

or...

Paris Hilton unites waring factions. (sub heading) Locals bury the hatchet to celebrate near miss by Celeb air head.

mix up.. of some already good suggestions.

Paris Blows Rwandan Orphans to Save The Universe.. oh thats good!

You dont need to be an orphan to look down at Paris, esp if your in a plane

Sub Head: Rwandas sighs of relief heard worldwide

Well, that'd be a first! Paris with her knickers on when there's cameras around!

Paris Hilton avoids Missionary Position in favour embracing Japan-ease!

...then a small light in Rwanda.

Paris Hilton eschews Rwandan education. Heads for Japanese Universe city instead.

Paris has Nipped to Japan Leaving Africans Rwandaring

--

borderline?

instead they prefer Japanese Models...

Paris saves the universe, Rwandas rejoice

Well it works for me...

Ask Paris, she knows you know.

Shame...

Paris Hilton: Japan 1 - Rwanda 0 and new centre-forward makes her mark

Liverpool probably doesn't need her ... services

It takes an Universe to save a Country...shopping that is

Paris leaves "mark on the world" - sh**s on Rwanda

You like?

Solves the worlds hunger problems...

You're very very close.

How bout

Paris Fucks Rwandans and Fingers Miss Universe at the same time.

manages to squeeze in shopping too.

or

Rwandans Screwed by Paris while she Fingers Miss Universe in Japan.

manages to squeeze in shopping too.

or

Paris Hilton in a foursome

Fingers Miss Universe, Screws Rwandan Charity, Shops with Sister all while in Japan.

inspired by: Sweep

Talented heiress in last minute change of direction

Finds IT angle...

...and time left over for shaved sushi

Didn't come through before... moderator discriminates 'j' sensation

I think that will be fitting considering we hear so much about her, its annoying...

Into Nippon tuck Universe

or "Paris Hilton blows Rwanda hard"

Seeing as she's gone to Japan where Haiku is revered as a high form of poetry, inspiration and philosophy, there can only be one true tag-line for this story :

Paris Hilton, coke sacking typo

Take your carcass away

Darken our door do not again

Paris Hilton: New Route to "World Peace"

Doing her bit to combat the global obesity epidemic

Totally irrelevant, but guarantees lots of page hits.

celebrity guest interview Series:

http://www.routergod.com/index.php?p=30

Title:

Paris sub-zero size models on latest shopping trip.

Sub title:

Did lack of tasty food for a few days influence her decision? Tell us now!

Call 09999 999 0990 (calls cost only £25 per minute).

Alternatively log on to www.bbcitv.am/elreg/?IT?/1010/I.think.lesters.great.psp.html.doc.txt.pdf

[opens as a new page entitled "get a life - there is more to it than IT"]

Sub: the writer was utterly aghast to discover that the fairly witty comment he made twice that day was rejected by the "censors". Asked later at his laptop in a dingy part of England, the author said, "I really don't see what was wrong with abbreviating the words that already appeared in the original article. It was meant to be a snackfood reference and certainly made me laugh, especially when one could take it either way; much like Ms Hilton it seems.

As a brain is difficult to revive after freezing, scientists approve that Paris Hilton will be the first test subject... They were scared that Paris Hilton had a brain, but she just made them feel ok...

- Given pearl necklace as leaving gift

Proof that a woman will always prefer 3" in luxurious surroundings rather than 12" in a field in the third world.

Rwandan Shopping Opportunites "Limited" says airhead heiress.

There I was, thinking "how can I get an honorary mention on this?" when it occurred to me, all I had to do was mention your name. It's certain to drag you away from deciding which stories to copy-paste out of the AP's weird world feed to get noticed, and you can never resist seeing it in print. An affliction, unfortunately, I do not share.

And do we get paid for our User Generated Content?

I'd like to offer my personal apology to Japan, Rwanda, hell let's just make this a global apology for the Hilton sisters. There are no adequate words in any language that properly and clearly define, describe or communicate just how fucking worthless they are.

However, decorum doesn't allow me to use the type of language necessary, even to make an attempt.

The dear Paris Hilton is precicley akin to the State of Nebraska, completely flat and extremely easy to enter. I hope you all have easy travels