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Paris Hilton exits missionary position to save Universe

Administers Rwandan blow - job with Japanese babes

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Reader challenge result Well, as you can see here, our big Paris Hilton headline competition provoked a bit of a stampede among Reg commentators keen to contribute their bit to the advancement of Vulture Central's award-winning non-IT-related coverage.

For the record, the headline and intro you now see are a composite of the best on offer as chosen by a panel of experts which did not, we hasten to add, include the lovely Ms Hilton herself.

We thought it only fair to let a few of you share the honours, given that you'd spent seconds, if not entire minutes, lovingly crafting your entries.

Among the comments which are not now gracing the headline of this piece is one rather churlish outburst from James, as follows:

Paris Hilton...is just one of the many pointless topics Lester Haines constantly chooses to demonstrate his utter unsuitability to write for an IT news site.

IT? Never heard of it mate. However, there are a few terms I have heard and which were disallowed from the headline compo. Those of you whose comments were rejected know what we're talking about. Don't get us wrong, it's all well and good for a bit of light-hearted banter down the boozer, but we're an international family publication, and have to be mindful of these things.

This didn't go down too well with Slaine, who protested:

Paris Hilton competition marks first "withdrawn" entry from MEEEEEEE

Sub: the writer was utterly aghast to discover that the fairly witty comment he made twice that day was rejected by the "censors". Asked later at his laptop in a dingy part of England, the author said, "I really don't see what was wrong with abbreviating the words that already appeared in the original article. It was meant to be a snackfood reference and certainly made me laugh, especially when one could take it either way; much like Ms Hilton it seems.

Actually, Slaine has had three comments rejected to date. The first two have been referred to the Daily Mail public standards bureau for further analysis, which is still trying to decide if charges should be brought.

Oh yes, and before we get back to the story which inspired this splendid tomfoolery, we thought we'd offer a rather good alternative to our final choice:

- Jailbird jetsetter jumps jejune jungle job, judges Japanese jubs
- Paris blows Rwandan orphans to save the Universe

Well done one and all. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll just nip off to the pub...


Paris Hilton has reportedly postponed her charity trip to Rwanda to rush to the aid of a far more deserving cause: to pick finalists for the Miss Universe Japan contest.

According to AP, the multi-talented heiress was airlifted yesterday into a media throng as she and younger sis Nicky made their selections at a Tokyo boutique. In case you're interested, Japan's Riyo Mori currently holds the Miss Universe title, the first local to secure the crown since 1959.

The Nippon mercy dash comes shortly after Hilton said of her planned Rwanda trip: "Before, my life was about having fun, going to parties - it was a fantasy. But when I had time to reflect, I felt empty inside. I want to leave a mark on the world."

Mercifully for Hilton fans, the recovering jailbird seems to have snapped out of this uncharacteristic soul-searching, and yesterday told the howling Japanese press pack: "I love Tokyo. The shopping is great." ®

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