Feeds

Ming the clam battles wolfman over Jordan's jubs

And man's best friend goes in, guns blazing

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

We ran a front-line report on the struggle between grammar nazis, Middle Englanders, Lester and, well, Lester from the looks of things. It's a dirty, confusing fight and one that will go to the finish. There were many theories about the production of this article, several involving the ever-philosophical commenter amanfromMars:

Lester, what ever it is you are taking, I want some!

Lexx Greatrex


This is what happens when an infinite amount of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters write Lester's articles for him.

Trevor


ManfromMars is writing articles now, not just comments!

Anonymous Coward


Showed the ar'ickle to my tart oo's an In-ger-lish gradjit and she goes "This Lest'uh, E's 'aving a fucking larf, inn'e?" and I'm like "Chill, yer dopey cow - it's fuckin' brill." and she's like "You fink so? You dunno the difference between a split infinitive and a glottel stop, you fuckwit saddo" so... well.. I just 'ad to bitchslap 'er so then, like, the filth are at the door but 'e sez "We don't do domestics" so now I'm dahn the pub instead of the nick. Result!

PS: A very funny piece, Lester. In particular I liked, "...denying the 'forces of darkness' the satisfaction of hanging them along with thousands of participles already left dangling by the uneducated masses..."

Keep up the solecisms, innapropriate adjectives and - above - occasional bad taste, El Reg!

Sceptical Bastard


Lester has been abducted by aManFromMars, who has since stolen his identity and is now using it to provide articles to elreg in order to confuse us prior to the attack of the lizard Alliance.

Never fear NLRA members will prevail!

Karl Lattimer


We took a lot of casualties, but your vile war on the English Language is far from over. Those of us who survived will go underground, hiding out in footnotes and citations, sneaking into your urban dictionaries under the cover of parenthesis and kidnapping the contemptible criminals from their very pages.

Will you be so proud of Lappy and Mobe when you see them in concrete cells, being declined by our elite linguistic zealots on Youtube? Great rewards await us- everyone who beheads a mobe ends up with an OBE - and we shall not rest until we have put a full stop to your deliberate pollution of our beautiful language.

breakfast


An Iowa dog shot its owner in the leg this week, putting the unfortunate man in hospital. Murderous intent on the part of the mutt was discounted, perhaps unwisely, and the 'accident' was put down to carelessness on the part of the owner. He had placed his gun on the ground with the safety off and proceeded to climb a fence near the muzzle end. Old Rover then - unintentionally, of course - trod on the trigger and unloaded 100 bird shot pellets into the man's leg.

The NRA must be proud. (That is Charley Heston's NRA - not the real one)

This is plainly not an accident but part of a secret DARPA project for the next war against North Korea. US dog soldiers are cheap to feed and the dead ones can simply be eaten thus reducing the cost of body bags and return flights.

Colin Millar


Never mind the RotM, what with the flaming kamikaze squirrels and monkey attacks recently I'm more concerned about the animals rising up and taking over. I'm certain that the government scientist's recent declaration of war on badgers must be what's tipped the animals over the edge. We're doomed!

One-armed Freddy


Oh so nearly a Darwin Award candidate..

Close but no cigar.

Fifty points to the dog though.

Lyndon Barry


Guns don't kill people. Dogs kill people.

With guns. Stay vigilant, and try not to look like a tin of dog food. ®

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.