Ming the clam battles wolfman over Jordan's jubs
And man's best friend goes in, guns blazing
We ran a front-line report on the struggle between grammar nazis, Middle Englanders, Lester and, well, Lester from the looks of things. It's a dirty, confusing fight and one that will go to the finish. There were many theories about the production of this article, several involving the ever-philosophical commenter amanfromMars:
Lester, what ever it is you are taking, I want some!
This is what happens when an infinite amount of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters write Lester's articles for him.
ManfromMars is writing articles now, not just comments!
Showed the ar'ickle to my tart oo's an In-ger-lish gradjit and she goes "This Lest'uh, E's 'aving a fucking larf, inn'e?" and I'm like "Chill, yer dopey cow - it's fuckin' brill." and she's like "You fink so? You dunno the difference between a split infinitive and a glottel stop, you fuckwit saddo" so... well.. I just 'ad to bitchslap 'er so then, like, the filth are at the door but 'e sez "We don't do domestics" so now I'm dahn the pub instead of the nick. Result!
PS: A very funny piece, Lester. In particular I liked, "...denying the 'forces of darkness' the satisfaction of hanging them along with thousands of participles already left dangling by the uneducated masses..."
Keep up the solecisms, innapropriate adjectives and - above - occasional bad taste, El Reg!
Lester has been abducted by aManFromMars, who has since stolen his identity and is now using it to provide articles to elreg in order to confuse us prior to the attack of the lizard Alliance.
Never fear NLRA members will prevail!
We took a lot of casualties, but your vile war on the English Language is far from over. Those of us who survived will go underground, hiding out in footnotes and citations, sneaking into your urban dictionaries under the cover of parenthesis and kidnapping the contemptible criminals from their very pages.
Will you be so proud of Lappy and Mobe when you see them in concrete cells, being declined by our elite linguistic zealots on Youtube? Great rewards await us- everyone who beheads a mobe ends up with an OBE - and we shall not rest until we have put a full stop to your deliberate pollution of our beautiful language.
An Iowa dog shot its owner in the leg this week, putting the unfortunate man in hospital. Murderous intent on the part of the mutt was discounted, perhaps unwisely, and the 'accident' was put down to carelessness on the part of the owner. He had placed his gun on the ground with the safety off and proceeded to climb a fence near the muzzle end. Old Rover then - unintentionally, of course - trod on the trigger and unloaded 100 bird shot pellets into the man's leg.
The NRA must be proud. (That is Charley Heston's NRA - not the real one)
This is plainly not an accident but part of a secret DARPA project for the next war against North Korea. US dog soldiers are cheap to feed and the dead ones can simply be eaten thus reducing the cost of body bags and return flights.
Never mind the RotM, what with the flaming kamikaze squirrels and monkey attacks recently I'm more concerned about the animals rising up and taking over. I'm certain that the government scientist's recent declaration of war on badgers must be what's tipped the animals over the edge. We're doomed!
Oh so nearly a Darwin Award candidate..
Close but no cigar.
Fifty points to the dog though.
Guns don't kill people. Dogs kill people.
With guns. Stay vigilant, and try not to look like a tin of dog food. ®