Feeds

Ming the clam battles wolfman over Jordan's jubs

And man's best friend goes in, guns blazing

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

We ran a front-line report on the struggle between grammar nazis, Middle Englanders, Lester and, well, Lester from the looks of things. It's a dirty, confusing fight and one that will go to the finish. There were many theories about the production of this article, several involving the ever-philosophical commenter amanfromMars:

Lester, what ever it is you are taking, I want some!

Lexx Greatrex


This is what happens when an infinite amount of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters write Lester's articles for him.

Trevor


ManfromMars is writing articles now, not just comments!

Anonymous Coward


Showed the ar'ickle to my tart oo's an In-ger-lish gradjit and she goes "This Lest'uh, E's 'aving a fucking larf, inn'e?" and I'm like "Chill, yer dopey cow - it's fuckin' brill." and she's like "You fink so? You dunno the difference between a split infinitive and a glottel stop, you fuckwit saddo" so... well.. I just 'ad to bitchslap 'er so then, like, the filth are at the door but 'e sez "We don't do domestics" so now I'm dahn the pub instead of the nick. Result!

PS: A very funny piece, Lester. In particular I liked, "...denying the 'forces of darkness' the satisfaction of hanging them along with thousands of participles already left dangling by the uneducated masses..."

Keep up the solecisms, innapropriate adjectives and - above - occasional bad taste, El Reg!

Sceptical Bastard


Lester has been abducted by aManFromMars, who has since stolen his identity and is now using it to provide articles to elreg in order to confuse us prior to the attack of the lizard Alliance.

Never fear NLRA members will prevail!

Karl Lattimer


We took a lot of casualties, but your vile war on the English Language is far from over. Those of us who survived will go underground, hiding out in footnotes and citations, sneaking into your urban dictionaries under the cover of parenthesis and kidnapping the contemptible criminals from their very pages.

Will you be so proud of Lappy and Mobe when you see them in concrete cells, being declined by our elite linguistic zealots on Youtube? Great rewards await us- everyone who beheads a mobe ends up with an OBE - and we shall not rest until we have put a full stop to your deliberate pollution of our beautiful language.

breakfast


An Iowa dog shot its owner in the leg this week, putting the unfortunate man in hospital. Murderous intent on the part of the mutt was discounted, perhaps unwisely, and the 'accident' was put down to carelessness on the part of the owner. He had placed his gun on the ground with the safety off and proceeded to climb a fence near the muzzle end. Old Rover then - unintentionally, of course - trod on the trigger and unloaded 100 bird shot pellets into the man's leg.

The NRA must be proud. (That is Charley Heston's NRA - not the real one)

This is plainly not an accident but part of a secret DARPA project for the next war against North Korea. US dog soldiers are cheap to feed and the dead ones can simply be eaten thus reducing the cost of body bags and return flights.

Colin Millar


Never mind the RotM, what with the flaming kamikaze squirrels and monkey attacks recently I'm more concerned about the animals rising up and taking over. I'm certain that the government scientist's recent declaration of war on badgers must be what's tipped the animals over the edge. We're doomed!

One-armed Freddy


Oh so nearly a Darwin Award candidate..

Close but no cigar.

Fifty points to the dog though.

Lyndon Barry


Guns don't kill people. Dogs kill people.

With guns. Stay vigilant, and try not to look like a tin of dog food. ®

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Are you a fat boy? Get to university NOW, you PENNILESS SLACKER
Rotund types paid nearly 20% less than people who didn't eat all the pies
Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT
... said an anon coward who we really wish hadn't posted on our website
Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS
'Will put smiles on faces worldwide', predicts corporate PR chief
Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city
Belgian booze pumped from underground
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
Amazon: Wish in one hand, Twit in the other – see which one fills first
#AmazonWishList A year's supply of Arran scotch, ta
Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team
Can you imagine the scene? 'Hey guys, it's your new owner – WTF is that on your desk?'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.