Feeds

Ming the clam battles wolfman over Jordan's jubs

And man's best friend goes in, guns blazing

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

Comments Boffins have dredged up what is thought to be the world's oldest animal - a 405-year-old clam - and rather satisfyingly named it Ming. Unfortunately the clam seems to have since copped it, but the culpable scientists hope that studying it will lead to a greater understanding of the aging process - good news for current and future cane-shakers.

Boffins dig up oldest living animal ... and then kill it.

I can't help but think that there is some subtle nuance of irony hidden in there

Joe


Paris Hilton angle? Or is it because it is a clam? Is there video?

Anonymous Coward


"The Bangor scientists...believe that the clams may have evolved exceptionally effective defences which hold back the destructive ageing processes that normally occur."

Or it could just be that living in a cold dark environment while doing very little helps you live longer. Can't be very stressful being a clam, waiting for food to drift into your mouth.

If you want to see the ageing process at work call your IT bods with an unexplained, critical, company-wide problem that hits first thing Monday morning. I might make a suggestion that our DBAs should be stored in the fridge to improve their longevity.

Anonymous Coward


I wonder if they comforted the dying clam with prozac, which - as any fule kno - has been scientifically proven to make them happy, or at least randy.

I choose Paris Hilton as my avatar, because I am sure she is used to having squidgy, moist things in her mouth.

Ashley Pomeroy


I think the secret to a long life is to live deep in the ocean isn't very helpful.

Alan Donaly


Wow, a person that old would usually be represented in film by someone with a long white beard... So what I was wondering is: Was it a bearded clam?

Already out the door... Seeya.

Anonymous Coward


Noted flotation device frame Jordan has announced her epitaph. In the event of her demise, her gravestone will bear the modest inscription "She had perfect tits". We challenged you to come up with a more apt and pithy line. You gave your all:

Thanks for the mammaries.

Matt Zywina


"Jordan is dead,

But please don't be blue.

Though she's six foot below

Her nipples poke through."

Or, simply, "It's all gone hugely tits-up."

Bez


I like Jordan... She has her good points ;-)

Dave Alderson


She sleeps alone at last

Here lies the body of Katie Price; While she may rot; Her assets will not

Fame she had a plenty; Although her mind was empty; Here she turns; Amidst the worms; Appalled she's now a non-entity.

And finally ,

Where have all the cameras gone?

Anonymous Coward


...titillating conversationalist.

can we vote for peter andre's epitaph to be "he was a perfect tit"

Dave


The girl DOES have wit. By the time she reaches her 60's, her first suggestion "She had perfect tits" will be surprisingly accurate.

However the epitaph, "90% biodegradable" also springs to mind

Anonymous Coward


"My final implant."

Chris Moss

Intelligent flash storage arrays

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
prev story

Whitepapers

Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
How to determine if cloud backup is right for your servers
Two key factors, technical feasibility and TCO economics, that backup and IT operations managers should consider when assessing cloud backup.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Protecting against web application threats using SSL
SSL encryption can protect server‐to‐server communications, client devices, cloud resources, and other endpoints in order to help prevent the risk of data loss and losing customer trust.