Feeds

Royal Navy presses IT Crowd for nuclear missile 'servers'

'Sometimes I just turn it off then on again'

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Video The Royal Navy has a long history of backfiring recruiting tactics. Back in the days of the press gang, apparently, there were sometimes expensive lawsuits - the impress law only permitted trained sailors to be pressed, not landsmen, and there were other grounds for dispute.

On occasion, too, eighteenth-century naval recruiting parties were driven off by testy mobs, sometimes backed by their local government; there was apparently at least one incident where a warship was compelled to fire into a town in order to cover an embattled pressgang's retreat.

Moving on into modern times, some may recall the TV recruiting ads of the early 1990s. In these, some benighted civvy would be shown, toiling away as a pizza delivery guy or an accountant or something equally horrible. Then the picture would cut to the same person doing something exciting in the navy.

"Missile loader" or "Jump-jet pilot" etc, the voice-over would say - "... IF he'd joined the navy."

This provoked a lot of mirth in the service. The view at sea was that the ads should have shown a civilian - a publican, let's say, a barrister, a fireman - and then cut to a matelot on his knees scrubbing out the heads*.

"Bog cleaner" the more realistic tagline would have run. "... IF he'd joined the navy."

How we'd laugh, as we scrubbed.

Now the service appears to have shot itself in the foot again, with this little gem:

Says it all really, I think. For those interested, the submarine on which our IT expert appears to be serving is a Vanguard-class boat; it carries Trident intercontinental missiles with nuclear warheads. That guy is a Weapons technician, remember.

Enemies of the UK take note: our strategic deterrent probably doesn't work any more. ®

*That's the lavvies, in scurvy landlubber talk

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
Docker's app containers are coming to Windows Server, says Microsoft
MS chases app deployment speeds already enjoyed by Linux devs
IBM storage revenues sink: 'We are disappointed,' says CEO
Time to put the storage biz up for sale?
'Hmm, why CAN'T I run a water pipe through that rack of media servers?'
Leaving Las Vegas for Armenia kludging and Dubai dune bashing
'Urika': Cray unveils new 1,500-core big data crunching monster
6TB of DRAM, 38TB of SSD flash and 120TB of disk storage
Facebook slurps 'paste sites' for STOLEN passwords, sprinkles on hash and salt
Zuck's ad empire DOESN'T see details in plain text. Phew!
SDI wars: WTF is software defined infrastructure?
This time we play for ALL the marbles
Windows 10: Forget Cloudobile, put Security and Privacy First
But - dammit - It would be insane to say 'don't collect, because NSA'
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.