Feeds

Royal Navy presses IT Crowd for nuclear missile 'servers'

'Sometimes I just turn it off then on again'

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Video The Royal Navy has a long history of backfiring recruiting tactics. Back in the days of the press gang, apparently, there were sometimes expensive lawsuits - the impress law only permitted trained sailors to be pressed, not landsmen, and there were other grounds for dispute.

On occasion, too, eighteenth-century naval recruiting parties were driven off by testy mobs, sometimes backed by their local government; there was apparently at least one incident where a warship was compelled to fire into a town in order to cover an embattled pressgang's retreat.

Moving on into modern times, some may recall the TV recruiting ads of the early 1990s. In these, some benighted civvy would be shown, toiling away as a pizza delivery guy or an accountant or something equally horrible. Then the picture would cut to the same person doing something exciting in the navy.

"Missile loader" or "Jump-jet pilot" etc, the voice-over would say - "... IF he'd joined the navy."

This provoked a lot of mirth in the service. The view at sea was that the ads should have shown a civilian - a publican, let's say, a barrister, a fireman - and then cut to a matelot on his knees scrubbing out the heads*.

"Bog cleaner" the more realistic tagline would have run. "... IF he'd joined the navy."

How we'd laugh, as we scrubbed.

Now the service appears to have shot itself in the foot again, with this little gem:

Says it all really, I think. For those interested, the submarine on which our IT expert appears to be serving is a Vanguard-class boat; it carries Trident intercontinental missiles with nuclear warheads. That guy is a Weapons technician, remember.

Enemies of the UK take note: our strategic deterrent probably doesn't work any more. ®

*That's the lavvies, in scurvy landlubber talk

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Docker's app containers are coming to Windows Server, says Microsoft
MS chases app deployment speeds already enjoyed by Linux devs
'Hmm, why CAN'T I run a water pipe through that rack of media servers?'
Leaving Las Vegas for Armenia kludging and Dubai dune bashing
'Urika': Cray unveils new 1,500-core big data crunching monster
6TB of DRAM, 38TB of SSD flash and 120TB of disk storage
Facebook slurps 'paste sites' for STOLEN passwords, sprinkles on hash and salt
Zuck's ad empire DOESN'T see details in plain text. Phew!
SDI wars: WTF is software defined infrastructure?
This time we play for ALL the marbles
Windows 10: Forget Cloudobile, put Security and Privacy First
But - dammit - It would be insane to say 'don't collect, because NSA'
Oracle hires former SAP exec for cloudy push
'We know Larry said cloud was gibberish, and insane, and idiotic, but...'
Symantec backs out of Backup Exec: Plans to can appliance in Jan
Will still provide support to existing customers
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.