Jordan mulls mamtastic epitaph

Gravestone to read...

By Lester Haines • Get more from this author

Posted in Entertainment, 31st October 2007 09:34 GMT

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Those among you who are still wondering with a kind of shocked disbelief why oh why oh why didn't talented chanteuese and Bulgarian airbag scaffold Jordan feature on the list of top Brits wits need look no further than today's Sun for enlightenment.

While the late Spike Milligan was honoured for, among other classics, his epitaph which reads "I told you I was ill", Jordan has decided she'd like the stonemason to commemorate her contribution to popular culture with the inspired "She had perfect tits".

The chesticles in question are, as we all know, a pneumatic 32FF - pretty well large enough to swallow hubby Peter Andre whole were he foolish enough to venture in without climbing equipment.

And yes, when not promoting her considerable assets, Jordan also finds time to raise a family - including daughter "Princess Tiaamii" - with "pop star" Pete, which leads us nicely to her second choice of inscription: "Wonder Woman".

She explained: "I’d like that after all I’ve been through - having kids, trying to make everyone else happy and working hard.”

Well, fair play to yer love, though we're not convinced either of your proposals fully does you justice. Accordingly, Reg readers are invited to suggest a more fitting memorial. ®