Feeds

Jordan mulls mamtastic epitaph

Gravestone to read...

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

Those among you who are still wondering with a kind of shocked disbelief why oh why oh why didn't talented chanteuese and Bulgarian airbag scaffold Jordan feature on the list of top Brits wits need look no further than today's Sun for enlightenment.

While the late Spike Milligan was honoured for, among other classics, his epitaph which reads "I told you I was ill", Jordan has decided she'd like the stonemason to commemorate her contribution to popular culture with the inspired "She had perfect tits".

The chesticles in question are, as we all know, a pneumatic 32FF - pretty well large enough to swallow hubby Peter Andre whole were he foolish enough to venture in without climbing equipment.

And yes, when not promoting her considerable assets, Jordan also finds time to raise a family - including daughter "Princess Tiaamii" - with "pop star" Pete, which leads us nicely to her second choice of inscription: "Wonder Woman".

She explained: "I’d like that after all I’ve been through - having kids, trying to make everyone else happy and working hard.”

Well, fair play to yer love, though we're not convinced either of your proposals fully does you justice. Accordingly, Reg readers are invited to suggest a more fitting memorial. ®

Bootnote

Don't bother with "Breast in Peace" - the Sun has beaten you to that one.

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.